I'm Aware of How Others See Me

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

What we’ve covered:

Your Expectations of yourself are positive.

Your Motivation is internal.

Your Image of yourself is congruent with your expectations.

Your Direction has specificity.

Your Control takes the form of personal responsibility for your choices and actions.

Your Discipline includes internal perfect practice.

You Esteem yourself.

You Live a Win-Win Life

How often do we stop and reflect on how we are viewed by others?

My books on display

How often do we stop and consider what it would be like to be our spouse, our child, our employer, our employee? (And yes, we always have a reason behind what we choose to do).

How often do we stop and contemplate our impact on the world around us?

How often do we stop and ponder or mull over the image we project?

And why is it even important to do so?

Because to be successful in living our lives, unless we are a hermit, we live in the world. Being congruent from our image of ourselves doing our life’s work to seeing that that is what we are projecting into the world takes awareness.

If you are like me, there were times in your childhood and maybe even your early adulthood when you had an experience and said to yourself, “I’ll never do that.”

Today’s first self-awareness question.

What is it you do that someone else stops and says in response (although most likely not out loud and to our face) “I’ll never do that.” “I’ll never treat someone like that.” “I’ll never say anything like that.”

Silver reminds me of my road manners

Once we make the effort to see ourselves through someone else’s eyes we take control of our lives back. We can change how we project our image.

People who know me, know there are issues I’m passionate about. Someone who doesn’t know me may see me as angry when I’m engaged in a discussion on one of those topics. When I realized that people were seeing me as angry, I made some decisions as that’s not how I see myself.

Now I often preface a statement with “I’m really passionate about — and then go on to state my point of view.” I also will end with a bit of humor or insight such as “time to get off my soap box” or maybe “preaching to the choir here” or “sometimes my passion about (insert subject) takes on a life of its own.”

Without the awareness that some people saw me as an angry person, I’d never have made those changes.

Today’s second self-awareness question.

Looking back over your life, what changes have you made because you became aware of how others saw you? Or What changes might you make so people see you as you want to be seen?

And, if you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I Live A Win-Win Life

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

Available Now!

What we’ve covered:

Your Expectations of yourself are positive.

Your Motivation is internal.

Your Image of yourself is congruent with your expectations.

Your Direction has specificity.

Your Control takes the form of personal responsibility for your choices and actions.

Your Discipline includes internal perfect practice.

You Esteem yourself.

You want to be successful, maybe you are well on the road to your goal and maybe, just maybe you’ve arrived. So, how do you wear your success? Are you an in it to win it regardless person? Or are you in the win-win camp? I win if you win and vice-versa.

One of my favorite movies is Pretty Woman. I love that movie on many levels but in particular the growth Edward makes from being a ruthless business man to one with compassion touches my heart.

A Favorite Book that Speaks My Truth

And, being a member of the romance writers’ community more often than not I’m in a win-win atmosphere. The concept of “pay it forward” is alive and well. It’s an every-day-kind-of-event for other writers to offer their expertise, many times for free, to help me or someone else through a tough patch whether in their writing or non-writing life.

While I am blessed people come to my aid, it’s important I show up for others. It may be a direct giving back as in doing something for someone who’s done something for me, but more likely it is doing something for someone else—again, the paying it forward concept.

There are other beliefs that support the win-win way of life: What Goes Around Comes Around. Another way of saying the same thing is What You Give Out Comes Back To You Tenfold.

Since I really don’t want Tenfold of Negativity in my life, I make a point to put out Positivity.

What does it take to live a win-win way of life? First and foremost I think it requires us to be aware of the people around us and how we interact with them.

Do we really listen to people, being fully present in the moment of the conversation? The Dalai Lama is the first person to come to mind as I write this. I know few people who are consistently that present in every conversation. It’s something I aspire to.

Do we pay attention to how our actions and decisions impact others? Since I writing this in July, I’ll use 4^th of July as an example. Where I live in Oregon has banned almost all fireworks for a variety of reasons but people can still purchase them in other states and bring them here.

Such a worthy cause. Check it out!

For several days before the 4^th all news channels have pieces about the trauma of fireworks on animals and some of our veterans as well as the severe injuries incurred when something goes wrong—and yet? Around 11 p.m. on July 1^st my house shook and the vibration of a loud boom echoed in my bones. I live a block and a half from a schoolyard, a favorite place to shoot off fireworks. It sounded like it was in my backyard or on my front porch.

It isn’t that the people who set off those sonic booms had no other options. There are several “official” fireworks display in the area as well as on television. There are also legal fireworks.

Bottom-line, at least from my perspective, a win-win way of life is based on making decisions about what I want and what’s best for me that Do Not interfere with you and what you want and what’s best for you.

Inevitably, there will be times when the gap between us is not easy to close. In these circumstances, calm conversation is required with both of us being in the present and listening to each other from the point of view of finding a win-win way forward. Remember, that kind of listening is very different from the type of listening in order to garner more fuel for my way of thinking.

Next week? How do I see myself interacting with the world around me?

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I Like Myself

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

What we’ve covered:

Your Expectations of yourself are positive.

Your Motivation is internal.

Your Image of yourself is congruent with your expectations.

Your Direction has specificity.

Your Control takes the form of personal responsibility for your choices and actions.

Your Discipline includes internal perfect practice.

Self-esteem. When I taught school as well as when I worked with various client groups in social services, self-esteem was something I paid attention to. Some people describe self-esteem as having confidence in oneself. However, I’ve seen confidence become arrogant, domineering behavior. To me that person actually has low self-esteem.

What is another way to look at self-esteem? From my point of view it is simple - I like myself. I see my faults, my rough edges, my idiosyncrasies, those things about me that I’m working to change and I still like who I am, who I’ve become choice by choice, experience by experience over, in my case, decades of life.

Do you?

Do you like yourself?

Do you see how your life experiences, your choices have created the person you are today?

Can you see the triumph?

Can you acknowledge the failures as learning experiences?

Can you trust there is a way to change if that’s what you want to do?

If your answers are “no” to any of the questions, why?

Why don’t you?

What would need to be different in order for you to see the triumphs in your life? To trust you can change if you want to?

One of my favorite people is the late Louise Hay. In her ground-breaking book You Can Heal Your Life Louise shares her own story of healing from an abusive childhood, serious illness, etc. One of her exercises I use to this day is “Mirror Work.”

It’s really very simple:

Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say out loud “I love you.”

You can also vary the statement and say words like

“You are beautiful.” Or

“You are so smart.” Or

“I believe in you.”

It can be uncomfortable at first but stick with it. If you don’t start with “Yes, I know.” because you can barely keep the eye contact, know that in time you will be able to respond in a firm voice, perhaps with a bit of enthusiasm even “Yes, I know.”

Next week? How do I see myself interacting with the world around me?

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I Know How To Practice Perfectly

Finally!!!

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

What we’ve covered:

Your Expectations of yourself are positive.

Your Motivation is internal.

Your Image of yourself is congruent with your expectations.

Your Direction has specificity.

Your Control takes the form of personal responsibility for your choices and actions.

Today we’re talking about Self-Discipline. Neither Dr. Denis Waitley nor Dr. William Glasser see self-discipline as a demanding, harsh “make yourself” do it practice.

Waitley talks about self-discipline as internally practicing those attributes you need to be successful.

Glasser talks about self-discipline being a behavior we choose that helps us be successful in our endeavors.

Perfect Practice is not only about practicing – it’s about Perfect Practice. And, where can we engage in Perfect Practice? In our creative minds.

If you follow any sport you’ll see the athlete, before they take that shot, throw that picture, swing that bat, shoot down the ski slope or take to the ice, go within where they “see” or imagine themselves perfectly performing. In their imaginations they never fall, miss a shot or fail.

Dr. Waitley tells the stories of POW’s, musicians, Olympic athletes and astronauts using Perfect Practice. These stories are amazing and I encourage you to either purchase Dr. Waitley’s book or audio program to hear the details.

In his book Positive Addiction, Dr. Glasser writes about people who use a positive behavior over and over and over until they have the same physical withdrawals a drug or alcohol addict has. One of the things I learned when reading this book was that we can replace a negative addiction with a positive one.

To master the quality of self-discipline, we practice being successful. We see ourselves engaged in the activity whether it is on the tennis court or leading a seminar. We visualize ourselves on the clay or grass court, on the stage at the podium. We mentally practice our backhand, our serve, we see ourselves engaged with the audience, our voice and gestures adding to the content of our presentation. We may even sit in the stands and visualize ourselves on the court, making every serve, returning every shot. We may stand on the stage, behind the podium while mentally running through what we want to say.

And in that mental moment before it becomes our physical moment, we see ourselves at our best, matching that self-image we have of ourselves. It isn’t about practicing, it’s about Perfect Practice. And, it’s about liking ourselves just as we are while still striving to improve.

Next week? Do I “esteem” the person I see in the mirror?

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Available Now!

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I'm Going There!

Coming Summer 2018

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

You look at the task and decide “I Can Do It.”

And, you know “I Want To Do It."

Upon further review you see “That’s Who I Am.”

These first three steps are important but without the specificity of Direction,  of That's Where I'm Going! your chances of arriving at your goal are minimal.

Knowing you can do it and wanting to do it and seeing yourself with the trapping of success are very different aspects of reaching your goal.

Using myself as an example again. As an author I know I can write books and I want to write books. I see myself as an author. But without Self-Direction, I’d not be a multi-published author.

In order to be a multi-published author, at a minimum I had to have characters, setting, and plot. I had to have a lot more than that to get a book written and published but I did say “at a minimum.”

So often we set our goals in global terms.

We want to be financially secure.

We want to be happy.

We want to be healthy.

Because I write romance, all my characters want to be loved.

But what do those words “financially secure,” “happy,” “healthy,” and “loved” mean.

What’s true is that we each have our own personal picture of what those words mean. We can see in our internal eye what our life will be like when we are financially secure, happy, healthy and loved.

The question is whether or not we’ve spent the time defining the intimate details of those pictures. This time let's use "financially secure" as our example.

How much money is “financially secure”? That’s changed for me over my lifetime. When I first worked outside of babysitting (at $.25 an hour), I was paid $0.90 an hour. When minimum wage went up to $1.00 we were all ecstatic. At that time making $10,000 a year was a fantasy. I could travel around the world if I made that much. Now I need $6000 a year for property taxes and insurance! No longer can I live on a gross income of $500 a month like I did when first starting out on my own. (Oh, and I was a single parent not getting the court ordered $10.00 a week child support on a regular basis).

The Sacred Women's Circle series

The characters in my books all dreams. They may want a Happily-Ever-After in their lives but they don’t believe it will happen. They may have a specific picture of what the core values would be in that relationships but they can’t see themselves as a partner in it.

What my characters face is what we all face. We must have these first four aspects of success in place before the actions in the next six steps have a chance of leading us to a successful outcome.

Here’s my author example to illustrate where we are on this journey:

My expectations as an author? Yes, I can write novels and non-fiction.

And I want to write novels and books. Writing is fun.

When I started writing the first book in my Sacred Women’s Circle series, I could see rudiments of story and/or character in all seven books. I saw myself at the computer and with my name of the covers of books on the shelf.

From the beginning I saw the whole stories with characters and setting. I heard the dialogue in my mind, saw characters move around a scene and felt their joy and pain as the story unfolded.

Now it’s your turn. Pick a goal and follow along. You’ll be pleased and maybe a bit amazed at how easy this part can be.

Next week? Seeing Self-Control in a whole new way. And Click Here to start at the beginning of this series.

Available Now!

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

Add caption

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley