Language + Words = Communication and ...

Can Lead To Happiness! By Judith Ashley

Last week I asked you to think about three words

Joy

Happiness

Pleasure

Specifically I asked you to think about what is similar and what is different about them.

If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you’ve seen me refer to The William Glasser Institute and Dr. William Glasser, founder of Choice Theory, an explanation of how and why we behave.

Glasser defines Happiness as our feeling good because of the choices we are making, specifically choices that get us or keep us involved with the people who are most important to us. 

He defines Pleasure as often associated with addictions (drugs, alcohol, gambling, casual sex, food or whatever we choose to do that numbs us from the pain in our lives). For short periods of time we feel better and often experience a heightened sense of pleasure that feels better than happiness.

Judith and Special People

However, happiness which has several layers, can be maintained without external drugs, etc.

One layer is our connection to other people. Caring, committed relationships with people who are important to us is a key foundation.

Being satisfied with who we want to be and having self-respect that comes from recognizing our power of choice and or continual learning from those choices.

Diana McCollum, Judith, Sarah Raplee

One thing that is important when pursuing happiness is that those feel good feelings can lead us to an unhappy place. The danger is putting all of our ‘happiness eggs’ in one basket. 

For example: that drink after work or before bed can lead to alcoholism. Or, rewarding ourselves with a shopping spree or favorite foods can lead to compulsive behaviors. If we derive much of our self-respect from our work the danger is becoming a work-a-holic.

Without vigilance, we can become addicted to the behavior that ‘feels good’  let other aspects of our lives, mainly our relationships, fall by the wayside.

Taking control of your own happiness takes work but it can be done.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to listen to your words.

How often do you say something like “S/he made me feel __________?” or

“That made me feel ______________?”

When you make those statements to yourself or out loud, you are saying the people around you are in control of your happiness. If that is true and you do not see that it is up to you to create your own happiness, you are at the mercy of the world around you.

It takes work. Sometimes more than you may want to put into it. But a great resource is the Mental Health and Happiness blog. You can check it out here.

Consider one of their 21 Day Challenges to show you ways to create the happier life you envision for yourself.

Next week I’ll be back with more of my own tips on how to brighten your day.

Check out Judith’s website here.

Check out Judith’s author page here.

Follow Judith on Twitter: @JudithAshley19 

The Perfect Christmas Tree

Happy New Year!!!

As I waited for the clock to strike 9 p.m. (I live on the West Coast so cheated by celebrating at 9 p.m. my time while watching the crystal ball drop in Times Square, New York City) a wave of light and lightness washed over me leaving a sense of calm joy.

Will I have challenges in 2012? Of course.
Will I have doubts in 2012? Probably
Will I meet every goal I set for myself? No

I've had an Intention for some time now (two years on 01/17) that my life is easier and it takes less effort to experience joy and happiness. That is an Intention that has been manifesting for some time now.

No, every day is not 100% but every day does have its moments of joy, moments of happiness.

One of the things I'm involved with is Romancing The Genres group blog. I'm one of the co-founders along with Sarah McDermed. In January 2011 we came up with the idea of a group blog. On May 1, 2011 we launched RTG. And this week we most likely will hit 14K (right, 14,000) page views.

I'm inviting you to stop by Romancing The Genres (see, I learned to easily and effortlessly embed a link) and see my post. Look at the pictures (I popped those in as well as these with nary a problem in sight). Click around and read other Genre-ista's post. I'm encouraging you to check out Sarah's. (another embeded link). If you look at the right side of the page, scrolling down until you see our February Guests - I did that also. Click on Guest Page and you can see my work in September and October.

One year ago I had no idea how to do any of this.

Here I am with Gimi and Connie, my Intention Sisters. Each week we talk on the phone, encouraging and supporting each other. Each day we send Intention Energy to each other. Acheiving anything is  easier when someone is there to support us. What is amazing is how important these daily and weekly practices are to me. They are written on my calendar and I take them into consideration as I look at other things I need/want to accomplish. My time with these women is a priority and I can look back over the year and see what

I've accomplished, what I've manifested because of their encouragement, support and their holding my Intentions on my behalf.

Check out my website www.JudithAshleyRomance.com I updated it in November and you can read the revised "In the Beginning" (Chapter One) of "The Dragon and The Great Horned Owl"; see what I've been up to, etc.

My wish for you in 2012 is that you find people who will support and encourage you as you manifest your dreams into your reality.

Seeing the Synchronicities

Had major technical problems last Tuesday, at least I thought I did. I couldn't figure out how to get in to post the following blog. By the time I did figure that out, Thursday, I was swamped with 'things to do' to get ready to go to Emerald City Writers Conference Friday through Sunday. This is last weeks thoughts and in a couple of days I'll post this weeks.

Each morning as I focus on my Intentions when I say my last one and ask for my day to be easily and effortlessly full of joy and happiness, I lift my arms and say

"I dedicate myself to be of service to those around me."

Simple words that I've said virtually every day since late January 2010. Last week I began a new experiment and I've paid attention to what those words mean in a different way.

Tuesday I had a person tell me about problems with a parent's estate. I realized I knew something about the problem and had some suggestions. What is the probability that someone would ask start sharing with me a problem they had and that it would be something I knew enough about I could make suggestions for solutions.

I've been paying attention and realize that almost every day something happens, usually not as 'big' as my Tuesday experience, where I am in 'service' to someone else. Helping with a minor chore, sharing some information, telling a funny story when someone needed a laugh.

It really isn't about servitude, it is about awareness. Being in the moment, looking for little ways to ease another person's life. Holding the door open for someone on crutches or using a cane or with arms loaded with groceries. Distracting the cranky child while the parent finishes checking out at the store. Little things...yes, as the old song goes...little things mean a lot.

Being Present

One of the main reasons I take five to ten minutes each morning, quiet my thoughts and body, and focus my awareness on my Intentions and the Intentions I hold for others, is that process brings me fully into 'the present'.



Being in the present, in the now is easier said than done as we live much of our lives in the past or the future. My need to live in the future is based on the myth that if I plan the future and know what is supposed to happen, then I'll be okay, safe, happy, peaceful, all right, etc. A reality is that the time I spend looking forward to what will be, I'm missing where I am and what is.



While our brains are wonderful things, they can only be one place at a time. When I'm thinking about the future or agonizing over something in the past, I'm missing out on what is happening right now. It may be the way the sun plays on the leaves in the tree outside my window, the beauty of the sunset, a neighbor saying 'hi', a child's smile and wave from a passing car; something simple or something complex. I don't know because I missed it, I wasn't here.



Our brains are complex. We can train them to do some things automatically so that they do something consciously. If you drive a car with a 'stick shift' you reach a point where you just 'know' and shift and you aren't paying much attention to those actions. When we are children and first learning to walk, we concentrate on every step; as adults we walk while looking at grocery shelves, talking to a friend, admiring a neighbors yard. However, to be successful in training our brains, in training ourselves, we must be 'present' during the training process.



Due to the accident I mentioned last week, I'm back in physical therapy. My appointment this morning points out that lesson. I'm having to learn simple movements again. Today my assignment was to step back and forth over a 2 X 4 board while counting backwards from 20. I got to 18, was unstable on my feet, and felt tears of frustration. It is very hard for me to do.



Tomorrow, I'll start my day in the present. I'll state my Intentions which will include "Counting backwards from twenty, while stepping over the 2 X 4 is easy and effortless for me."

Does that mean I'll not stumble, stagger, or lose track of the numbers? How I wish! The reality is that I will stumble, stagger, and lose track of the numbers but my level of frustration will be much less because I'll stop, pause, be in the present, repeat my Intention, and try again.



My Intention is to safely, easily and effortlessly master this exercise. If I keep my focus on that, if I stay in the present, I will succeed more quickly than if I believe it's too hard and I have to struggle. I don't mind stumbling and staggering as I relearn to 'walk and talk' at the same time again. I do mind struggling, making it harder and more difficult than it has to be.



Easy and effortless, joy and happiness, grace and gratitude, confidence and certainty are hallmarks of my life today.



How do you want to live your life? What is your Intention? Do you want to live a life of peace, a life of adventure, a life of productivity, a life of _________?



Please share your thoughts. I'd like to know how you use these ideas.

Intention and an Easy, Effortless Life

I have a list of Intentions I focus on at the beginning of each day. I've been diligent (only missed one) since I started January 27th, 2010. And even on that day though I did not sit and read and ponder each statement, the ideas swirled through me as I sat at my computer working on my current novel.

My Intentions include words like 'easy' and 'effortlessly'. I've lived over half of my life from the point of view that if I work harder I'll have better results, I'll get ahead faster, I'll produce more, I'll make more money. This view of the world is a kindred spirit of 'no pain, no gain'.

The term 'hard work' is often associated with long hours, pushing through, getting it done which are not necessarily bad but when there is a heaviness, a 'have to' mind set that creates stress, then the joy of the work is lost. Think about the time you were engrossed in a project and the time just flew by. That is what living a life with ease and effortlessness is about.

At this point I want to have it all. I want a life of love, joy, happiness. I want to be productive, writing and publishing my novels. I want time to be with friends and family. And then there is the reality of working until my income from writing increases. With only twenty-four hours in a day, how does that come about? How do I have a life of effortlessness and ease and have all that, do all that?

Shifting my belief that life has to be hard to be good, that I have to struggle to be successful is my starting point. Since I've started my daily Intention work my life is easier, more effortless. I find myself leaving late for an appointment but arriving on time. I find ideas flow into my mind when I relax. I find people who are blessings to me show up without my having to search for them.

The experiment I'm committed to for at least a year is to see how easily and effortlessly I can live my life. How little effort it actually takes to have what I want if I'm clear about and focused on what I want (Intention). To be open to and aware of the world around me and the Synchronicities that support my goals, dreams, and desires.

I'd love to have you join me.