What is Unconditional Love?

Judith is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

That's a million dollar question!

One answer I've heard from people talking about their childhoods. "No matter what, I always knew I was loved." Translation? I screwed up and sometimes really screwed up but never did I doubt that I was loved (by the adult figures in my life - could be mom, dad, grandparents, etc.).

When I was raising my son, one of the best pieces of parenting advice I got was to always separate the deed from the doer. What that meant was I was clear in my communication that it was what was done that was the problem. And when it is a deed/task, it can be fixed, repaired or mended.

At one point in my life I was in an abusive marriage. At that time I thought I'd done something wrong and that was why I was being abused. It was also a time when there was no domestic violence and women were considered chattel of their husbands in some parts of the country.

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When I look back on that time period I know it really wasn't about me. It was about him. He lashed out physically because in his world, the man is the boss and the woman was the servant (I didn't do servant very well). And, he didn't want to appear "hen-pecked" so, of course he couldn't do something I asked him to do. It was his "job" or "role" to "teach me" to be a "good wife" so he was just doing what he had to do.

Now at this point in my life I know that it isn't about me at all. Each of us is always doing our best to take care of ourselves.

That doesn't mean that we stay in relationships that are harmful to us. The first person to be unconditionally in love with is ourselves. When we love ourselves, we will not stay with someone who harms us.

Here is an exercise to try on to see how unconditionally in love you are with yourself.

Find a mirror. One where you can see your whole face.
Hold the mirror (or stand in front of it) and look yourself in the eyes.

Keep your gaze fixed on yourself while you say aloud "I love you"

Monitor how you feel physically, mentally and emotionally as you repeat "I love you."

Do you look away? Do you glance up or down? What do you feel in your body?

What does your mind say? "Yes!" "So True!" or is it something negative.

What about your emotions? Some people find they tear up during this exercise, some cry, some feel despair. What do you feel?

Check out Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life" for other exercises and affirmations you can do until you say with joy in your voice and heart "I Love You!"

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