Since I write romance, there are people who assume that
when I’m talking about “unconditional love” I’m referring to romantic love. However,
unconditional love is so much more. It encompasses all of our relationships:
family, friends, pets can all be recipients of our unconditional love. And the
opposite is also true—they can be the givers.
I’ve friends who only experience unconditional love from
their pets.
I’ve other friends who, over time, have created
unconditional love in their marriages.
I’ve also other friends who grew up in families where
love was conditional, given only if they met the approval of the adults.
During the years I was a Child Protective Service worker
I listened to many parents explain that the harsh discipline they meted out
“hurt me more than the child” and what they did in no way compared to what was
done to them as a child.
As I listened, I had dual emotions fighting within me.
Looking at the bruised and battered 5 or 15 year old and
accepting the parent’s truth – what they endured was worse?!? A profound
sadness that that person had been treated that way, lived with that horror.
Turning my head so I saw the child, heated anger would course through my body.
How could anyone do that to a child regardless of what it was that child had
done or not done.
Not an easy job but a very rewarding one.
What I always remembered as I did that job and others
where I saw the worst side of folks was “this was the best this person could do
in this situation.” I couldn't begin to imagine living a life where being an abuser was the best I could.
A simple truth is: it may be best for them but that
doesn’t mean it is “best” for the people around them.
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Unconditionally supporting them to make changes came
next. Because first and foremost, the people around them deserved to feel safe,
to live fear-free lives.
Back to that simple truth. We can unconditionally love
someone and yet know that we cannot spend time with them, or not much time with
them, or not alone time with them. Unconditional love does not mean we put
someone aside. It means we accept them as they are, support them as appropriate
and continue to love them.
Another example: I know several families who have a
family member who is addicted to drugs and/or alcohol. The family
unconditionally accepts this person understanding that addictions are part
choice and part physiological. They know that using drugs and alcohol is a sign
that person is in “pain” of some kind.
However, they do not support the person’s addiction.
Instead they support that person’s sobriety. They welcome their family member into their home when they are clean and sober. The door is always open to them, their love does not waver. If asked, they will offer advice, suggestions on getting help but they do not nag, criticize, threaten and NEVER withhold their love until their family member is clean and sober.
Instead they support that person’s sobriety. They welcome their family member into their home when they are clean and sober. The door is always open to them, their love does not waver. If asked, they will offer advice, suggestions on getting help but they do not nag, criticize, threaten and NEVER withhold their love until their family member is clean and sober.
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Dragon and The Great Horned Owl is
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