Love Is More Than A Feeling

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

I write romance—a blessing, a gift, a way to balance my life because for over fifty years I worked as a private guardian and geriatric care manager and/or in child welfare and/or in an emergency after hour’s capacity for vulnerable adults. My professional life has shown me all too clearly that there can be a gigantic disconnect between the words “I love you” and the actions we’d expect from someone who truly does love us. I am consciously choosing not to site numerous examples but I do invite you to think about where you may have experienced or born witness to that disconnect.

Because of my professional (and some personal) experiences, I know love is more than a feeling. We tell others “I love you”. We hear “I love you, too” said back. At times someone may say “I love you” first and we repeat back that we love that person “too”.

In my short story “Is He The One?” available through Windtree Press’s anthology, Gifts of the Heart, my heroine, Sophia Denton uses Dr. William Glasser’s Basic Psychological Needs to sort through her feelings and find the answer to Jonathan’s proposal. She readily acknowledges they love each other (the feeling). 

Her question is: Is that enough? While she herself has not been abused, she is aware of the issue of domestic violence and child abuse. Committed to doing her very best not to get caught in that “but I love him” trap, she decides to delve deeper into the conundrum of love, to determine for herself if there is a disconnect between how she and Jonathan ‘feel’ about each other and how they treat each other.

Dr. Glasser talked and wrote about the importance of loving relationships in our lives. He also talked and wrote about the reality that the only person whose behavior we have control over is our own.

It is a myth to think that we really can “make” someone do something. There are people every day who literally die for their beliefs and that has been true throughout history. It is at times convenient to say “I couldn’t help it” or “S/he made me”. When I hear those words, I know that isn’t actually true. The truth is more along the line of “I didn’t know how to say “no” because s/he is bigger than I am (or has more power as in could fire me, etc.) or it is easier to go along than to stand up for my beliefs or s/he might not like me anymore (in some circumstances we call that peer pressure).

From my perspective relationship problems occur because someone is trying to make the other(s) do something different. And in an effort to be successful, they use one of Dr. Glasser’s Seven Deadly Habits. (You can read more about The Deadlies here).

Here are 4 questions that may assist you in creating happier, healthier and more loving 

relationships in your life.

1. Looking at your most important relationships and using a scale of 1 – 10 with 10 being high/good and 1 low/bad, how congruent are the words and actions of the people you love towards you?

2. Looking at your most important relationships and using a scale of 1 – 10 with 10 being high/good and l1 low/bad, how congruent are Your Words and Actions towards the people in your life you love?

3. When you look at the disconnect, what are the others attempting to get or accomplish with their behavior?

4. What are you trying to get or accomplish in those relationships where there is a disconnect?

Please share your thoughts and ask questions! I’ll do my best to expand on Dr. Glasser’s concepts in my answers.

In addition to writing romance, Judith is on the Senior Teaching Faculty of William Glasser International. Learn more about her workwith Dr. Glasser’s concepts including her training schedule and/or check out The William Glasser Institute for more information on training and educational opportunities worldwide.

Sign up for Connections, my newsletter and receive a free digital copy of Lily, Book One in The Sacred Women's Circle series. For a limited time you can still buy a copy of Elizabeth, Book Two, for $.99.

Learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series on her website.

Follow Judith on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB!

© 2017 Judith Ashley

Love Is More Than A Feeling

By Judith Ashley

A version of this post first appeared in February 2015.

Yes, love is more than a feeling to me. We tell others “I love you”. We hear “I love you, too” said back. At times someone may say “I love you” first and we repeat back that we love that person “too”.

I write romance a blessing, a gift, a way to balance my life because for almost fifty years I worked as a private guardian and geriatric care manager and/or in child welfare and/or in an emergency after hour’s capacity for vulnerable adults. My professional life has shown me all too clearly that there can be a gigantic disconnect between the words “I love you” and the actions we’d expect from someone who truly does love us. 

In my short story “Is He The One?” available through Windtree Press’s anthology Gifts from the Heart, my heroine, Sophia Denton uses Dr. William Glasser’s Basic Psychological Needs to sort through her feelings and find the answer to Jonathan’s proposal. She readily acknowledges they love each other (the feeling).

Her question is:

Is that enough? While she herself has not been abused, she is aware of the issue of domestic violence and child abuse. Committed to doing her very best not to get caught in that “but I love him” trap, she decides to delve deeper into the conundrum of love, to determine for herself if there is a disconnect between how she and Jonathan ‘feel’ about each other and how they treat each other.

Dr. Glasser talked and wrote about the importance of loving relationships in our lives. He also talked and wrote about the reality that the only person whose behavior we have control over is our own.

It is a myth to think that we really can “make” someone do something. There are people every day who literally die for their beliefs and that has been true throughout history. It is at times convenient to say “I couldn’t help it” or “S/he made me”.

When I hear those words, I know that isn’t actually true. I also know that if we are honest with ourselves and take responsibility for our actions, we know the real reason why we made the choice we did. Perhaps it is as simple as not knowing how to say 'no'; or maybe the person can fire us if we are defiant; or maybe it's just easier to go along with everyone. Standing up for ourselves and our beliefs is not always easy. People might no like me any more. I won't belong. Think peer pressure.

To help you sort out the connection or lack of between the feelings of love and the actions of love in your relationships, take some time and answer these questions.

1. Looking at your most important relationships and using a scale of 1 – 10 with 10 being high/good and 1 low/bad, how congruent are the words and actions of the people you love towards you?

2. Looking at your most important relationships and using a scale of 1 – 10 with 10 being high/good and l1 low/bad, how congruent are Your Words and Actions towards the people in your life you love?

3. When you look at the disconnect, what are the others attempting to get or accomplish with their behavior?

4. What are you trying to get or accomplish in those relationships where there is a disconnect?

Please share your thoughts and ask questions! I’ll do my best to expand on Dr. Glasser’s concepts in my answers.

Judith is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance. She is also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute and schedules trainings leading to Certification in Dr. Glasser’s Choice Theory and Reality Therapy.

Learn more about her work with Dr. Glasser’s concepts www.glasserconceptstraining.com or check out The William Glasser Institute for more information on training and educational opportunities.

Follow Judith on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

Learn more about her writing and The Sacred Women’s Circle series here.

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.http://windtreepress.com/pages/authors/judith-ashley/

You can also find Judith on FB! 

Are We Having Fun Yet?

By Judith Ashley

During February I’m blogging every Monday on one of Dr. William Glasser’s Four Psychological Basic Needs. Today I’m talking about Fun. Dr. Glasser said this Basic Need was the last to evolve as we developed. First we banded together (love and belonging) because that increased our rate of survival. Second those who honed specific skills such as tracking, weapon making, reading the signs of the weather, etc. to the point of mastery were accorded special standing in the group. Third the ability to follow a herd, to move and forage for food was essential to survival.

In my short story “Is He The One?” included in Windtree Press' Gifts From The Heart, my heroine, Sophia Denton uses Dr. William Glasser’s Psychological Basic Needs to sort through her feelings and find the answer to Jonathan’s proposal. She knows herself pretty well. Laughing and feelings of joy and happiness are important to her. She enjoys teaching high school, seeing students’ master skills, inspiring students to achieve and even excel. Laughing, a sense of lightness, of joy is important to her in her relationships. Does she have that with him?

Dr. Glasser points out that when we are young we have fun learning. The look on babies faces when they take their first steps or the wonder in a child’s eyes when they print a letter or can recognize their names is part of the joy (fun) of learning. Children also “play” house, school, store—a whole host of “games” where they practice the skills used in those professions. So having fun first became a basic need because of our need to learn the skills for survival.

My two longest friends love to shop. I’d rather clean house than shop and I’m not at all fond of that activity. Neither of them are into sports at all. However, I enjoy watching college football (Oregon Ducks) and enjoy track and field (probably because I was able to watch Steve Prefontane and other world-class racers run under the four minute mile when that was an amazing feat) and I dated a discus thrower for a short period of time. I like to watch the Little League World Series and the College World Series but I’m not big into professional sports.

I find it inspiring to watch people who are focused on being the best they can be. I’m encouraged when watching the coaches at the Little League World Series level teach sportsmanship because I’m disheartened to see it losing ground in college and professional sports.

Personally, fun is walking through my neighborhood, reading a favorite author and sampling the work of a new-to-me writer, spending time with close friends and talking about so many different topics my brain is active. My other “happy place” is at my computer. As an author, watching the story unfold on the computer screen is a joyful experience.

It’s question time!

1. When was the last time you laughed? Not smiled or chuckled or giggled, but laughed from deep inside you – maybe tears streamed down your face you were laughing so hard?

2. What ideas, memories bring a smile to your face? Why? Are those things you can still do? Or can you modify or build off them? Would they be as satisfying to you now as they were then? Why or why not?

3. Who do you have fun with? And if the answer is ‘no one’, if you shared what you do for fun, would doing it with other enhance the joy?

4. How often do you have fun? Do you save it up for weekends or vacation? Are you someone who looks for joy and happiness in the mundane activities of everyday life? Are you someone who needs an adrenaline rush to have fun? (Think Xtreme Sports for example).

Next week starts a new month. I’ll have taken a couple of classes from the awesome Maggie Lynch. I expect to have a lot of fun learning how to use Mail Chimp to create a newsletter! I’ll be back to share that experience with you.

I hope you’ll join me. And, please ask questions! I’ll do my best to expand on Dr. Glasser’s concepts in my answers.

Judith is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual

practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance. She is also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute and schedules trainings leading to Certification in Dr. Glasser’s Choice Theory and Reality Therapy.

Learn more about her work with Dr. Glasser’s concepts here or check out The William Glasser Institute to learn about more educational and training opportunities.

Learn more about her writing and The Sacred Women’s Circle series at www.judithashleyromance.com

Love Is More Than A Feeling!

By Judith Ashley

During February I’m blogging every Monday on one of Dr. William Glasser’s Psychological Basic Needs. Today I’m talking about Love and Belonging. Dr. Glasser said this Basic Need is the most important because there is an element of connections/relationship needed to best satisfy the other three psychological needs.

Yes, love is more than a feeling to me. We tell others “I love you”. We hear “I love you, too” said back. At times someone may say “I love you” first and we repeat back that we love that person “too”.

I write romance a blessing, a gift, a way to balance my life because for almost fifty years I worked as

a private guardian and geriatric care manager and/or in child welfare and/or in an emergency after hours capacity for vulnerable adults. My professional life has shown me all too clearly that there can be a gigantic disconnect between the words “I love you” and the actions we’d expect from someone who truly does love us. I am consciously choosing not to site numerous examples but I do invite you to think about where you may have experienced or born witness to that disconnect.

In my short story “Is He The One?” available through major outlets, my website and Windtree Press, my heroine, Sophia Denton uses Dr. William Glasser’s Psychological Basic Needs to sort through her feelings and find the answer to Jonathan’s proposal. She readily acknowledges they love each other (the feeling).

Her question is: Is that enough? While she, herself has not been abused, she is aware of the issue of domestic violence and child abuse. Committed to doing her very best not to get caught in that “but I love him” trap, she decides to delve deeper into the conundrum of love, to determine for herself if there is a disconnect between how she and Jonathan ‘feel’ about each other and how they treat each other.

Bill Glasser talked and wrote about the importance of loving relationships in our lives. He also talked and wrote about the reality that the only person whose behavior we have control over is our own.

It is a myth to think that we really can “make” someone do something. There are people every day who literally die for their beliefs and that has been true throughout history. It is at times convenient to say “I couldn't help it” or “S/he made me”. When I hear those words, I know that isn't actually true. 

The truth is more along the line of “I didn't know how to say “no” because s/he is bigger than I am (or has more power as in could fire me, etc.) or it is easier to go along than to stand up for my beliefs or s/he might not like me anymore (in some circumstances we call that peer pressure).

It’s question time!

1. Looking at your most important relationships and using a scale of 1 – 10 with 10 being high/good and 1 low/bad, how congruent are the words and actions of the people you love towards you?

2. Looking at your most important relationships and using a scale of 1 – 10 with 10 being high/good and l being low/bad, how congruent are Your Words and Actions towards the people in your life you love?

3. When you look at the disconnect, what are the others attempting to get or accomplish with their behavior?

4. What are you trying to get or accomplish in those relationships where there is a disconnect?

Next week I’ll explore the Psychological Basic Need of “Power”. I hope you’ll join me. And, please ask questions! I’ll do my best to expand on Dr. Glasser’s concepts in my answers.

Judith is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance. She is also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute and schedules training leading to Certification in Dr. Glasser’s Choice Theory and Reality Therapy.

Learn more about her work with Dr. Glasser’s concepts www.glasserconceptstraining.com or check out TheWilliam Glasser Institute for more information on training and educational opportunities.

Learn more about her writing and The Sacred Women’s Circle series at www.judithashleyromance.com

Why Blog? By Judith Ashley

Surveys have shown that readers seldom purchase a book because of the author's blog - so, the question is "why do I write one?" Actually I regularly (once a week) post here and at Romancing The Genres (first Friday of each month).

Kristen Lamb, in a recent blog post (link below) talks about why, even if readers don't often buy from a blog, it is important to write one.

https://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2015/01/16/marketing-social-media-book-signings-why-none-of-these-directly-impact-book-sales/#comment-206141

What I've found as I've tried various themes, topics, platforms over the past couple of years is that when I'm passionate about something, especially if I can't sleep, this is a good place to release that energy and get back to sleep or get back on track with whatever I'm working on.

I've also used this blog as a way to explain how integral my understanding of Dr. William Glasser's
work is to my writing life and my personal life.

And, I've shared personal and professional events here.

I'm at a place where my goal is to more firmly establish what I want to use the Judith Ashley blog "Intentions and Synchronicities" for.

Do I want to post more than once a week?

Do I want to change off with a different focus each Monday?

Do I want to remain as I am - eclectic?


While I continue to write the first draft of Hunter, the 5th book in The Sacred Women's Circle series, I'll most like continue as I am - whatever strikes my fancy will be up on Monday.

Please be sure and click on the link and read Kristen Lamb's post. It really is informative.

For more information on The Sacred Women's Circle, check out my website.

For a fun way to start your day, check out  Romancing The Genres and see what the Genre-istas and our RTG guests (January's guests are Debut Authors and February's are Scottish Romance Writers) are up to.

And, if you are looking for great reads, check out Windtree Press. We've over 100 titles available!

Gifts from the Heart

Welcome, I'm Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women's Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the path from relationship to romance.

Welcome again to 2015! What's special about this first Monday of the new year?

The Windtree Press Valentine Anthology "Gifts from the Heart" is available. Here's the back cover copy.


Rediscover the magic and romance of Valentine’s Day with these nine stories of Gifts From The Heart. Stories of best friends, lost chances, first love, love renewed, and new love will bring a tear to your eye and a little skip in the beat of your heart.

Read about a wounded warrior saved by a ring. Empathize with two different widows as they strive to overcome their past and open their hearts to trust again. Follow a survivor of the Titanic as she boards another ship and her past and future collide.

Shiver with the cautionary tale of the prison of love in the legend of Ann’er from the dark world of Thorn. Laugh at the humorous escapades of a young woman led to find love through the questionable assistance of her cat. Then finish this volume by relaxing in the fairy-tale world of a little dog who helps a sad and lonely princess learn to accept the unconditional love of pets.


“The Telltale Heart” by Sarah Raplee
“Is He the One?” by Judith Ashley
“Saved by the Ring” by Diana McCollum
“Be My Valentine” by Susan Lute
“Dancing on the Water” by Mercer Addison
“Heart of a Highlander” by Collette Cameron
“The Flaming Heart of Winter” by Pamela Cowan
“Matchmaker Cat” by Jane Killick
“Metro Goes to London” by Susie Slaninawww.susieslanina.com

My role in this anthology was expanded because, along with Sarah Raplee and Diana McCollum, I was one of the editors. In that role, I've had the pleasure of reading each of these stories. My favorite? For various reasons, each story touched my heart.

Here is the Table of Contents copy about my story:

Is He the One? by Judith Ashley

When her best friend and long-time lover proposes, Sophia hesitates to say “yes.” Unable to trust her heart, Sophia analyzes their relationship using Dr. William Glasser’s concept of basic psychological needs. By morning she has her answer.

The beautiful cover is by Christy Carlyle of Gilded Heart Design.

Please consider adding Gifts from the Heart to your New Year's book purchase! It is available at Windtree Press and other major e-retailers.

Visit my website for more information about The Sacred Women's Circle series.
Click here to watch my YouTube podcast.