I Am The Boss!

Available Summer 2018

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

What we’ve covered:

Your Expectations of yourself are positive.

Your Motivation is internal.

Your Image of yourself is congruent with your expectations.

Your Direction has specificity.

Now we’re ready to take a look at Self-Control.

In reality I Am The Boss! And that’s what Control is all about. You controlling you. You accepting full personal responsibility for yourself. That includes who you are as well as where you are.

We become what we think about most of the time translates into where we are in our lives. Where we are in our lives is a culmination of all the little and big choices we’ve made since birth.

Dr. William Glasser, MD, founder of The William Glasser Institute and author of Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom, talks about taking control or charge of our lives is the foundation of the freedom we need to create the life we want for ourselves.

Dr.  Denis Waitley has used his research with Olympic athletes, astronauts and prisoners of war among others as the foundation of his The Psychology of Winning. The fifth quality of  a winner is focused on the reality that everything is a choice.

Both authors point out that there are consequences to saying “no” just as there are to saying "yes".

If you choose not to pay taxes, there is a consequence of at least a fine if not jail time.

If you choose not to work over-time, there is a consequence to that and that could mean your job.

What’s true is that every day people make choices that put them in danger. Think being a human shield in a war torn area of the world or being in the military or law enforcement as other examples. There are also people who say “no” knowing that their refusal puts them at risk. Think of political prisoners or civil rights’ activists as examples.

There are those who will say they don’t have control of life events and to a point that is true. However, we always have control over how we choose to handle those events. Think of Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning and how prisoners in the Nazi Death Camps coped when they’d lost all the trapping of their former lives.

As long as we keep someone else in control of our lives, the less successful we become.  When we assume control of our lives, take personal responsibility for what does and doesn’t happen, we have freed ourselves to more easily manifest our dreams.

Make the decision to pay those taxes, to work that over-time, to do those chores and tasks. Remember, every time you say “I have to” you are depriving yourself of your personal freedom.

Next week? Take another look at Self-Discipline.

Available Now!

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer. 

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I'm Going There!

Coming Summer 2018

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

You look at the task and decide “I Can Do It.”

And, you know “I Want To Do It."

Upon further review you see “That’s Who I Am.”

These first three steps are important but without the specificity of Direction,  of That's Where I'm Going! your chances of arriving at your goal are minimal.

Knowing you can do it and wanting to do it and seeing yourself with the trapping of success are very different aspects of reaching your goal.

Using myself as an example again. As an author I know I can write books and I want to write books. I see myself as an author. But without Self-Direction, I’d not be a multi-published author.

In order to be a multi-published author, at a minimum I had to have characters, setting, and plot. I had to have a lot more than that to get a book written and published but I did say “at a minimum.”

So often we set our goals in global terms.

We want to be financially secure.

We want to be happy.

We want to be healthy.

Because I write romance, all my characters want to be loved.

But what do those words “financially secure,” “happy,” “healthy,” and “loved” mean.

What’s true is that we each have our own personal picture of what those words mean. We can see in our internal eye what our life will be like when we are financially secure, happy, healthy and loved.

The question is whether or not we’ve spent the time defining the intimate details of those pictures. This time let's use "financially secure" as our example.

How much money is “financially secure”? That’s changed for me over my lifetime. When I first worked outside of babysitting (at $.25 an hour), I was paid $0.90 an hour. When minimum wage went up to $1.00 we were all ecstatic. At that time making $10,000 a year was a fantasy. I could travel around the world if I made that much. Now I need $6000 a year for property taxes and insurance! No longer can I live on a gross income of $500 a month like I did when first starting out on my own. (Oh, and I was a single parent not getting the court ordered $10.00 a week child support on a regular basis).

The Sacred Women's Circle series

The characters in my books all dreams. They may want a Happily-Ever-After in their lives but they don’t believe it will happen. They may have a specific picture of what the core values would be in that relationships but they can’t see themselves as a partner in it.

What my characters face is what we all face. We must have these first four aspects of success in place before the actions in the next six steps have a chance of leading us to a successful outcome.

Here’s my author example to illustrate where we are on this journey:

My expectations as an author? Yes, I can write novels and non-fiction.

And I want to write novels and books. Writing is fun.

When I started writing the first book in my Sacred Women’s Circle series, I could see rudiments of story and/or character in all seven books. I saw myself at the computer and with my name of the covers of books on the shelf.

From the beginning I saw the whole stories with characters and setting. I heard the dialogue in my mind, saw characters move around a scene and felt their joy and pain as the story unfolded.

Now it’s your turn. Pick a goal and follow along. You’ll be pleased and maybe a bit amazed at how easy this part can be.

Next week? Seeing Self-Control in a whole new way. And Click Here to start at the beginning of this series.

Available Now!

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

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Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I See Myself Doing That!

Coming summer 2018

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

July2, 2018 we looked at your self-expectancy and decided “I Can Do It.”

July9, 2018 we looked at self-motivation and decided “I Want To Do It.”

This week we take a look at our perception of ourselves, our self-image and how that fits into the whole.

When we look in the mirror, what do we see? Or more correctly, Who do we see?

My mirror reflects a mom, grandma and grandmama (great grandmother). I also see a published author, a loyal friend, a curious woman who loves to read, people and nature watch and problem solve.

Each of those pictures or images of myself has details specific to me. As a loyal friend, I have expectations of myself regarding what I will and won’t do as a loyal friend. The same is true for each of the images I see.

As a nature watcher, I make a point to look at the natural world around me. To pay attention to the footprint I leave on the earth. I recycle and while I know there are people who recycle even more ferociously than I do, I’m at the point where I could go two or three months without garbage/trash pick-up although my recycling and yard debris bins would go out more frequently.

I can’t imagine tossing anything out my car window or leaving empty bottles, can or other trash in the park or wherever I might be.

Self-image is an important theme in my stories.

In Elizabeth: The Lady and The Sacred Grove, Book Two in The Sacred Women’s Circle series, Elizabeth comes face-to-face with the conflict between two images of herself that are not compatible.

In Diana: The Queen of Swords and The Knightof Pentacles, Diana remains in a loveless marriage for years because of the image she projected to the world around her.

So, who do you see when you look in the mirror?

If you choose to, you might want to write down a description and include details. What would you be saying, doing, thinking when making choices as a loyal friend? What about as a good wife, husband, daughter, son or neighbor? Don’t forget other areas of your life such as neighbor, employer, employee, citizen, church member. We each have many images of ourselves that impact our everyday decisions in how we treat each other as well as ourselves.

See yourself as “selfless” and you’ll forgo your own needs to take care of someone else.

See yourself as “independent” and you’ll put your literal or proverbial shoulder to the task even if it hurts.

See yourself as “loving, patience or compassionate” and you may accept the abuse of others.

See yourself as “focused” and that leads us into next week’s topic “Self-Direction.”

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I Want To Do It!

Available Summer 2018

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

Last week we looked at your self-expectancy. Now you’ve taken a look at the task and decided “I Can Do It.”

What comes next? Do You Want To Do It?

Knowing you can do it and wanting to do it are two very different things.

It’s easy when you know you can do it and want to do it – in fact that combination is very energizing.

As an author I know I can write books and I want to write books – so I have. I don’t need someone else telling me I can do, although encouraging words are always welcome.

I’ve studied both Dr. Denis Waitley and Dr. William Glasser who have similar points of view on “Motivation” in that both believe and demonstrate that we are internally motivated. In reality no one can make us do anything we truly don’t want to do. People die every day rather than give up their autonomy, independence or (you fill in the blank).

Of course not everyone has a cause they would die for or that they know they would die for. In my previous life as a child protective service worker and as a private geriatric case manager, I did put myself at risk on more than one occasion to protect the vulnerable.

In fact Chapter One in Lily: The Dragon and The Great Horned Owl is based on a real life experience in my CPS days. And I was threatened and I did have PTSD, nightmares, etc. I did have my routine that helped calm the terror and allowed me to go back to bed.

Back to our everyday kind of motivation. The reality is we do things we don’t want to do or don’t like to do for very specific reasons. Some of them are:

Someone we know, love, care about wants us to do it.

We don’t want to live with the consequences.

We fear the consequences.

It’s who we believe we are or what we are meant to do.

If you are fearless, you won’t pay taxes because you don’t care if you go to jail. 

You won’t do what someone you love or care about wants because you don’t care if they are unhappy, upset, angry or even leave you.

You won’t clean house because you don’t care if you live in filth.

And you do make the choice to do many things you don’t like or want to because it is who you are – what you expect of yourself.

And that ties into next week’s topic “Self-Image.” See you then!

Available Now!

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I Can Do It!

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

Coming Summer 2018

What do you expect of yourself? The task will be easy and effortless? You’ll struggle but overcome? You’ll struggle and fail? You won’t even try? For some of us our expectations squash our outcome before we even start.

Growing up I found math difficult. Those pesky times tables in fourth grade were nightmares (and still can be). Back then we didn’t have access to smart phones, calculators and if we had (because they were available by the time I was in college) it was “cheating” to use them.

I will admit I still don’t understand why we say 2 + b = 5 when it is obvious that 2 + 3 = 5 and there isn’t another combination in that format that works.

Switch to reading. I easy and effortlessly learned to read. It has always been a joy to immerse myself in a book. Yes, I even liked many of the text books in high school and college. I still read for pleasure and am a published author.

The Sacred Women's Circle series

These days I pay attention to my expectations of myself because I know my perception of the task makes it easier or harder to accomplish. Having positive expectations of my ability to do anything I chose to can move me forward.

My caveat is this: there are times that the energy, time and effort to figure out, understand and learn something new is daunting. Even though I tell myself I can do and also believe that I can—doesn’t mean it will necessarily come easy to me. Most recently I’ve struggled with learning how to put my books into box sets.

I read a couple of articles, looked at the box sets I have of some of my writer friends and started the learning curve. A few weeks (yes, weeks) into the process I stopped. It is true I had some medical stuff going on in my life but it is also true I was using up my “learning curve energy” on box sets when I had a whole course in creating ads for Amazon, Facebook, Twitter, etc. ahead of me.

Available Now!

First things first when my positive self-expectation is thwarted is to figure out the core issue and then problem solve from there. If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer. 

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley