I Live A Win-Win Life

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

Available Now!

What we’ve covered:

Your Expectations of yourself are positive.

Your Motivation is internal.

Your Image of yourself is congruent with your expectations.

Your Direction has specificity.

Your Control takes the form of personal responsibility for your choices and actions.

Your Discipline includes internal perfect practice.

You Esteem yourself.

You want to be successful, maybe you are well on the road to your goal and maybe, just maybe you’ve arrived. So, how do you wear your success? Are you an in it to win it regardless person? Or are you in the win-win camp? I win if you win and vice-versa.

One of my favorite movies is Pretty Woman. I love that movie on many levels but in particular the growth Edward makes from being a ruthless business man to one with compassion touches my heart.

A Favorite Book that Speaks My Truth

And, being a member of the romance writers’ community more often than not I’m in a win-win atmosphere. The concept of “pay it forward” is alive and well. It’s an every-day-kind-of-event for other writers to offer their expertise, many times for free, to help me or someone else through a tough patch whether in their writing or non-writing life.

While I am blessed people come to my aid, it’s important I show up for others. It may be a direct giving back as in doing something for someone who’s done something for me, but more likely it is doing something for someone else—again, the paying it forward concept.

There are other beliefs that support the win-win way of life: What Goes Around Comes Around. Another way of saying the same thing is What You Give Out Comes Back To You Tenfold.

Since I really don’t want Tenfold of Negativity in my life, I make a point to put out Positivity.

What does it take to live a win-win way of life? First and foremost I think it requires us to be aware of the people around us and how we interact with them.

Do we really listen to people, being fully present in the moment of the conversation? The Dalai Lama is the first person to come to mind as I write this. I know few people who are consistently that present in every conversation. It’s something I aspire to.

Do we pay attention to how our actions and decisions impact others? Since I writing this in July, I’ll use 4^th of July as an example. Where I live in Oregon has banned almost all fireworks for a variety of reasons but people can still purchase them in other states and bring them here.

Such a worthy cause. Check it out!

For several days before the 4^th all news channels have pieces about the trauma of fireworks on animals and some of our veterans as well as the severe injuries incurred when something goes wrong—and yet? Around 11 p.m. on July 1^st my house shook and the vibration of a loud boom echoed in my bones. I live a block and a half from a schoolyard, a favorite place to shoot off fireworks. It sounded like it was in my backyard or on my front porch.

It isn’t that the people who set off those sonic booms had no other options. There are several “official” fireworks display in the area as well as on television. There are also legal fireworks.

Bottom-line, at least from my perspective, a win-win way of life is based on making decisions about what I want and what’s best for me that Do Not interfere with you and what you want and what’s best for you.

Inevitably, there will be times when the gap between us is not easy to close. In these circumstances, calm conversation is required with both of us being in the present and listening to each other from the point of view of finding a win-win way forward. Remember, that kind of listening is very different from the type of listening in order to garner more fuel for my way of thinking.

Next week? How do I see myself interacting with the world around me?

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I Like Myself

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

What we’ve covered:

Your Expectations of yourself are positive.

Your Motivation is internal.

Your Image of yourself is congruent with your expectations.

Your Direction has specificity.

Your Control takes the form of personal responsibility for your choices and actions.

Your Discipline includes internal perfect practice.

Self-esteem. When I taught school as well as when I worked with various client groups in social services, self-esteem was something I paid attention to. Some people describe self-esteem as having confidence in oneself. However, I’ve seen confidence become arrogant, domineering behavior. To me that person actually has low self-esteem.

What is another way to look at self-esteem? From my point of view it is simple - I like myself. I see my faults, my rough edges, my idiosyncrasies, those things about me that I’m working to change and I still like who I am, who I’ve become choice by choice, experience by experience over, in my case, decades of life.

Do you?

Do you like yourself?

Do you see how your life experiences, your choices have created the person you are today?

Can you see the triumph?

Can you acknowledge the failures as learning experiences?

Can you trust there is a way to change if that’s what you want to do?

If your answers are “no” to any of the questions, why?

Why don’t you?

What would need to be different in order for you to see the triumphs in your life? To trust you can change if you want to?

One of my favorite people is the late Louise Hay. In her ground-breaking book You Can Heal Your Life Louise shares her own story of healing from an abusive childhood, serious illness, etc. One of her exercises I use to this day is “Mirror Work.”

It’s really very simple:

Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes and say out loud “I love you.”

You can also vary the statement and say words like

“You are beautiful.” Or

“You are so smart.” Or

“I believe in you.”

It can be uncomfortable at first but stick with it. If you don’t start with “Yes, I know.” because you can barely keep the eye contact, know that in time you will be able to respond in a firm voice, perhaps with a bit of enthusiasm even “Yes, I know.”

Next week? How do I see myself interacting with the world around me?

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I Know How To Practice Perfectly

Finally!!!

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

What we’ve covered:

Your Expectations of yourself are positive.

Your Motivation is internal.

Your Image of yourself is congruent with your expectations.

Your Direction has specificity.

Your Control takes the form of personal responsibility for your choices and actions.

Today we’re talking about Self-Discipline. Neither Dr. Denis Waitley nor Dr. William Glasser see self-discipline as a demanding, harsh “make yourself” do it practice.

Waitley talks about self-discipline as internally practicing those attributes you need to be successful.

Glasser talks about self-discipline being a behavior we choose that helps us be successful in our endeavors.

Perfect Practice is not only about practicing – it’s about Perfect Practice. And, where can we engage in Perfect Practice? In our creative minds.

If you follow any sport you’ll see the athlete, before they take that shot, throw that picture, swing that bat, shoot down the ski slope or take to the ice, go within where they “see” or imagine themselves perfectly performing. In their imaginations they never fall, miss a shot or fail.

Dr. Waitley tells the stories of POW’s, musicians, Olympic athletes and astronauts using Perfect Practice. These stories are amazing and I encourage you to either purchase Dr. Waitley’s book or audio program to hear the details.

In his book Positive Addiction, Dr. Glasser writes about people who use a positive behavior over and over and over until they have the same physical withdrawals a drug or alcohol addict has. One of the things I learned when reading this book was that we can replace a negative addiction with a positive one.

To master the quality of self-discipline, we practice being successful. We see ourselves engaged in the activity whether it is on the tennis court or leading a seminar. We visualize ourselves on the clay or grass court, on the stage at the podium. We mentally practice our backhand, our serve, we see ourselves engaged with the audience, our voice and gestures adding to the content of our presentation. We may even sit in the stands and visualize ourselves on the court, making every serve, returning every shot. We may stand on the stage, behind the podium while mentally running through what we want to say.

And in that mental moment before it becomes our physical moment, we see ourselves at our best, matching that self-image we have of ourselves. It isn’t about practicing, it’s about Perfect Practice. And, it’s about liking ourselves just as we are while still striving to improve.

Next week? Do I “esteem” the person I see in the mirror?

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Available Now!

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I See Myself Doing That!

Coming summer 2018

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

July2, 2018 we looked at your self-expectancy and decided “I Can Do It.”

July9, 2018 we looked at self-motivation and decided “I Want To Do It.”

This week we take a look at our perception of ourselves, our self-image and how that fits into the whole.

When we look in the mirror, what do we see? Or more correctly, Who do we see?

My mirror reflects a mom, grandma and grandmama (great grandmother). I also see a published author, a loyal friend, a curious woman who loves to read, people and nature watch and problem solve.

Each of those pictures or images of myself has details specific to me. As a loyal friend, I have expectations of myself regarding what I will and won’t do as a loyal friend. The same is true for each of the images I see.

As a nature watcher, I make a point to look at the natural world around me. To pay attention to the footprint I leave on the earth. I recycle and while I know there are people who recycle even more ferociously than I do, I’m at the point where I could go two or three months without garbage/trash pick-up although my recycling and yard debris bins would go out more frequently.

I can’t imagine tossing anything out my car window or leaving empty bottles, can or other trash in the park or wherever I might be.

Self-image is an important theme in my stories.

In Elizabeth: The Lady and The Sacred Grove, Book Two in The Sacred Women’s Circle series, Elizabeth comes face-to-face with the conflict between two images of herself that are not compatible.

In Diana: The Queen of Swords and The Knightof Pentacles, Diana remains in a loveless marriage for years because of the image she projected to the world around her.

So, who do you see when you look in the mirror?

If you choose to, you might want to write down a description and include details. What would you be saying, doing, thinking when making choices as a loyal friend? What about as a good wife, husband, daughter, son or neighbor? Don’t forget other areas of your life such as neighbor, employer, employee, citizen, church member. We each have many images of ourselves that impact our everyday decisions in how we treat each other as well as ourselves.

See yourself as “selfless” and you’ll forgo your own needs to take care of someone else.

See yourself as “independent” and you’ll put your literal or proverbial shoulder to the task even if it hurts.

See yourself as “loving, patience or compassionate” and you may accept the abuse of others.

See yourself as “focused” and that leads us into next week’s topic “Self-Direction.”

If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

I Can Do It!

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

Coming Summer 2018

What do you expect of yourself? The task will be easy and effortless? You’ll struggle but overcome? You’ll struggle and fail? You won’t even try? For some of us our expectations squash our outcome before we even start.

Growing up I found math difficult. Those pesky times tables in fourth grade were nightmares (and still can be). Back then we didn’t have access to smart phones, calculators and if we had (because they were available by the time I was in college) it was “cheating” to use them.

I will admit I still don’t understand why we say 2 + b = 5 when it is obvious that 2 + 3 = 5 and there isn’t another combination in that format that works.

Switch to reading. I easy and effortlessly learned to read. It has always been a joy to immerse myself in a book. Yes, I even liked many of the text books in high school and college. I still read for pleasure and am a published author.

The Sacred Women's Circle series

These days I pay attention to my expectations of myself because I know my perception of the task makes it easier or harder to accomplish. Having positive expectations of my ability to do anything I chose to can move me forward.

My caveat is this: there are times that the energy, time and effort to figure out, understand and learn something new is daunting. Even though I tell myself I can do and also believe that I can—doesn’t mean it will necessarily come easy to me. Most recently I’ve struggled with learning how to put my books into box sets.

I read a couple of articles, looked at the box sets I have of some of my writer friends and started the learning curve. A few weeks (yes, weeks) into the process I stopped. It is true I had some medical stuff going on in my life but it is also true I was using up my “learning curve energy” on box sets when I had a whole course in creating ads for Amazon, Facebook, Twitter, etc. ahead of me.

Available Now!

First things first when my positive self-expectation is thwarted is to figure out the core issue and then problem solve from there. If you are interested in learning a simple process to find solutions to issues that are interfering with the quality of your life, check out my latest non-fiction book Staying Sane in a Crazy World.

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers. Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Staying Sane is now available at your favorite e-retailer. 

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

My Fantasy Author Life

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

My Fantasy Author Life:

In many ways I live that right now. I love to write and the stories easily flow through me. I actually enjoy most of the revising and editing because I want my books to shine, to be the best I can write at the time. My workspace is inviting. The view out the window by my computer is inspiring—even in winter when the flowers and leaves are gone.

However to make My Fantasy Author Life complete this would happen:

Gabriella is dedicated to these women

The exact right word would always appear to show the reader the setting and character description.

Visceral Response and Body Language descriptions would flow where the reader needed it to stay within the context of the story but some things (just the right amount) would be left to the reader’s imagination.

Punctuation and grammar would be perfect.

Rose Quartz pillar next to computer

Tasks would cycle through in 20 – 25 minute time frames so I always get up and move around to keep myself limber and in shape.

And, I’d easily and effortlessly create exciting and engaging promotional campaigns that drew reader fans to my books.

My excitement and pleasure to be on Social Media would carry across the internet and everyone who saw my posts would become intrigued with my books (if they weren’t already).

My Master Mind Sisters

I’d spend at least an hour a day engaged with reader fans through emails and closed Facebook and Google groups building relationships.

My assistant would take care of all tasks I find onerous or boring leaving me to do only those tasks I really want to do.

Another one of Lois's displays

Lois, who creates fantastic displays

When I had an image in mind for a cover, blog post or newsletter, I easily found it (that’s not quite right, my assistant would easily find it because searching for images on the computer is not a task I like at all.

What is the One Thing you definitely want in your Fantasy Author (or other Profession) Life?

If you are interested in reading Lily: The Dragon and The Great Horned Owl, email me at Judith@JudithAshleyRomance.com with your request. I’ll send you a link to download your digital copy. You will be asked to sign-up for my mailing list and to write a review but that is a choice. The free digital copy comes to you with no strings attached.

Although my first love is writing Contemporary Romance or Romantic Women’s Fiction, I’ve also ventured into writing non-fiction. My first book, Staying Sane in a Crazy World is available at your favorite e-retailer. 

Do you ever feel as if the world around you is tumbling out of control and there is nothing you can do to make your world a better place?

Do you ever wish there was?

Staying Sane in a Crazy World may help guide you toward stopping the tumbling and choosing how to take effective control of your life.

The reality is there is no One answer that fits all but we each have Our answer.

In this short guide, Judith Ashley leads you through a straight-forward process that allows you to find Your answers.

Answers you’ll use to craft a Personal Staying Sane Plan that will help you regain and keep your balance whenever the world around you is out-of-whack.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley