Thoughts on Friendships Old and New - Part One

I'm Judith Ashley. I write romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nourish the soul.

I’m one of those people who don’t have lots of friends but the ones I have, I keep. May 2015 was a month about friendships.

My friend of almost 35 years whose name is also Judith lives in Ohio. I’d missed visiting her last year due to some health problems. This year I was determined to make the trip—and I did.

Judith, Gimi, Connie

However, my month of friendships started on May 1 when I spend time with my Intention Sisters, Gimi and Connie. We’d just spent a couple of days in Depoe Bay, Oregon my all-time favorite place on the Oregon coast. Saturday, May 2, they both left for their homes in Texas and Arizona after we shared breakfast at Elmer’s.

Monday, May 4^th I traveled from Oregon to Ohio—an exhausting trip in many ways but I did read Paty Jager’s first Shandra Higheagle mystery. If you haven’t read Paty’s books, I highly recommend them.

My friend, Judith was waiting on her front porch for me and the delight at seeing me rejuvenated my tired body. We’ve always talked on the phone in between visits but it had been almost 5 years since we’d seen each other. It is no surprise to people who know me that we were up until 2 a.m. Ohio time talking!

That really set the pattern for my visit—10 to 14 hours of conversation each day, much of it intense, over the next 15 days. Why were there intense conversations? 

Because my best friend of 35 years has significant memory loss and so I answered the same question numerous times during my visit. And, some of the questions were challenging: Did I think she was safe in her home? Did I think she was a bad driver? Did I really think her short term memory loss was that bad? Why did I think she needed to wear a ‘life line’ button?

Sunset just north of Depoe Bay, Oregon

We got out picture albums and revisited our trips to Ireland and the Balkans both during the war and a few years later. We reminisced about other adventures we had. She has fond memories of New Orleans and I don’t. I have fond memories of Seattle and her memories of that last visit are vague. We both love the Oregon Coast and I’d love to have her back for another visit there but she doesn’t think she wants to travel any more.

Because she no longer drives outside her neighborhood, I offered to take her to places further away that have been important in her life and that she continues to talk about missing.

She declined.

We talked about getting our picture taken together but never followed through. We talked about my coming back next year or maybe this fall. Time will tell.

On the left is a picture of me with a lei from Hawaii.

Check back next week to see the story behind this picture.

To learn more about The Sacred Women's Circle series, check out 

My author page at Windtree Press and 

My Judith Ashley Romance website.

June 5th I'll have a post up at Romancing The Genres. June is our "Shout Out For Charity" month. I'm spotlighting "Beading The Odds", a non-profit that is making a difference in the lives of young men who are incarcerated at Oregon's McClaren's School for Boys.

If you are looking for great books to read over the summer, check out the posts from the Genre-istas at RTG as well as at Windtree Press.

An Intention and Then What? and Update

by Judith Ashley

First published in October 2010, I still think the message is important. Read on to see my update. For visual interest I've added this interesting picture.

An Intention and Then What?

My Intention is to post once a week. If you look back at my last post, you'll see I'm within that time frame, however I started blogging on Thursday, then went to Monday, and then to Tuesday. Last week it was Thursday or Friday and today it is Wednesday.

Why is it so hard to follow through?
Why are things 'spaced' off? or forgotten?

If I had the answer I'd let you know, I'd write articles, I'd give speeches, I'd definitely share!

What I do know is that when we beat on ourselves when we slip up, when we don't meet our expectations, we only hurt ourselves and we only increase the probability that we'll mess up again. And more than likely sooner because Anxiety is not a friend of follow-through.

Life is about experiencing, growing, living, changing.
Life is about joy, happiness, grace, and gratitude.

If you are like me, you have problems being perfect. You may know on some level you are perfect just the way you are, but ...

Welcome to Life, Welcome to the Journey. Remember to enjoy the process, be kind to yourself. If you are, you're more likely to easily and effortlessly follow through on those Intentions.

Update: If, in the last 4+ years I'd learned "The Answer" to following through and never spacing off, etc. I think my bank account would be fuller. I would have shared through articles, speeches and blogging. The answer would be showing up in my books. As it is, what I have found is the following:

1. If I over-commit, I'm more likely to mess up in some way.

2. If I don't get the rest/sleep my body really needs (which is way more than we can operate from), I also don't do as well.

3. Forgiving myself, acknowledging I'm human reduces stress and anxiety and provides me with a stronger foundation to meet my own expectations.

4. Analyzing those expectations: Where do they come from? Are they helpful? What would happen if I dropped them?

I'll be back next Monday with a fresh new post on my time with my friend and my cousin. In the mean time, if you've something to share about staying on task or staying the course and what to do when you don't, please share. I may not respond right away, but I will!

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Womens' Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

Learn more at her website and her Windtree Press author page.

The Intention Experiment and An Update

First published in 2010, I still find the work of Lynne McTaggart inspirational so share it with you again. The invitation at the end still stands. 

If you have a desire to be part of something bigger than yourself, you may find Lynne McTaggart's work inspirational.

The Intention Experiment by Lynne McTaggart chronicles her work to scientifically track the effects of Intention. The sub-title is Using Your Thoughts to Change Your Life And The World. Ms McTaggart is the force behind the world's largest 'mind-over-matter' experiment. In this book the author talks about and demonstrates that our thoughts have their own energy and they affect the world around us.

McTaggart is not the first person to suggest that every thought has its own vibrational energy. We all have felt 'vibes' (good and bad) when we've walked into a room or met someone. That vibrational energy can impact something, change something somewhere else in the world.

What Napoleon Hill was talking about is that when we work with two or more people, we can connect with a Universal Source that is comprised of vibrational energy and our Intention will manifests in the here and now.

Do you have a story to share? Let me know if you'd like to be a guest blogger and share your story with others.

Being fascinated by how energy works, I've included it in my series, The Sacred Women's Circle. In book one, working with energy or sensing energy is a new concept to the women. By the end, they will be "tuned in" to each other in a whole new way.

You can learn more about The Sacred Women's Circle series by checking out my website and my author page at Windtree Press.

Friends and Schedules

By Judith Ashley

This past week I spend several days with friends from Arizona and Texas along The Oregon Coast. We may talk for an hour every Tuesday but it had been 2012 since we last spent time together.

Not only did we talk and talk and talk, we had quiet time where we just watched the waves roll in. I saw whales spouting and a pair of pelicans as well as numerous seagulls. The majesty of the Pacific Ocean was inspiring. With great reluctance we left and are now each caught up in the day-to-day tasks of our every day life.

What I learned for myself as I drove away is

1. I've really been pushing myself to get my seven book series written and published. (#5 will be available in early June).

2. While I love my writing and still feel compelled to tell these stories, I need to find a different writing pace, one that does not compromise my health.

3. Spending time with friends away from the hustle and bustle of every day life is critical to my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health.

4. Life, or at least my life, is about finding and maintaining balance and realizing that as time passes the balance between different elements in my life change which means I'm no longer in balance until I shift.

5. I don't spend as much time around water (ocean falls, rivers) as my spirit would like.



How does that fit with the month of May?

I'm visiting with my friend, Judith for just over two weeks. We've been friends for thirty-five years and met at a William Glasser Institute Conference in Houston, TX. I'm sure we'll take walks in a near-by park, spend time along the river as well as reminisce about our 35 years of adventures. (Remind me to tell you the cockroach story). We'll listen to cassette tapes of Croatian musicians and singers and remember our trip there during the Balkan War as well as another one shortly thereafter.

My cousin from California will be visiting with me over Memorial Day Weekend. I expect we'll go to Riverview Abbey and take flowers to our grandparents' graves, maybe drive up the Columbia River Gorge to see Multnomah Fall if not take the old highway and stop at several of the others. We'll also talk about a Rawson Family Reunion - the big one is celebrating 100 years in Rawsonville, Vermont in August! I suggested our branch (there are surviving children from 4 of the previous generation) celebrate here in Portland that same weekend. Only 5 cousins live any real distance away.

Before June 1 comes, I hope to spend at least a few hours with my VBF of over 40 years. Due to many different challenges, we've not seen each other face-to-face since January.

Friendships whether with family or others is an integral and important part of our lives. What are your plans to spend time with friends in May? What do you like to do with your VBF?

PS: I'm recycling posts from much earlier in this blogs history over the next two weeks and will share more thoughts about friends on the 25th. 

Judith is the author of The Sacred Womens Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance. You can learn more about Judith and her books at http://judithashleyromance.com

Intention and an Easy, Effortless Life - Update

This post was first published June 10, 2010 but I've added to it!

I have a list of Intentions I focus on at the beginning of each day. I've been diligent (only missed one) since I started January 27th, 2010. And even on that day though I did not sit and read and ponder each statement, the ideas swirled through me as I sat at my computer working on my current novel.

My Intentions include words like 'easy' and 'effortlessly'. I've lived over half of my life from the point of view that if I work harder I'll have better results, I'll get ahead faster, I'll produce more, I'll make more money. This view of the world is a kindred spirit of 'no pain, no gain'.

The term 'hard work' is often associated with long hours, pushing through, getting it done which are not necessarily bad but when there is a heaviness, a 'have to' mind set that creates stress, then the joy of the work is lost. Think about the time you were engrossed in a project and the time just flew by. That is what living a life with ease and effortlessness is about.

At this point I want to have it all. I want a life of love, joy, happiness. I want to be productive, writing and publishing my novels. I want time to be with friends and family. And then there is the reality of working until my income from writing increases. With only twenty-four hours in a day, how does that come about? How do I have a life of effortlessness and ease and have all that, do all that?

Shifting my belief that life has to be hard to be good, that I have to struggle to be successful is my starting point. Since I've started my daily Intention work my life is easier, more effortless. I find myself leaving late for an appointment but arriving on time. I find ideas flow into my mind when I relax. I find people who are blessings to me show up without my having to search for them.

The experiment I'm committed to for at least a year is to see how easily and effortlessly I can live my life. How little effort it actually takes to have what I want if I'm clear about and focused on what I want (Intention). To be open to and aware of the world around me and the Synchronicities that support my goals, dreams, and desires.

I'd love to have you join me.

April 25, 2015

Almost five years have passed since I wrote this post. Where am I now?

+ Retired except for my writing and some teaching for The William Glasser Institute.

+ More focused on my own health and fitness than ever before.

+ Still working on eliminating stress/tension from my life - while I've made progress, I've still a ways to go. 

Recently I started working with a new Rehab program because of pain in my hands which is exacerbated with typing. What I really like about the two people I've worked with is they do Not endorse the "no pain, no gain" perspective. In fact, they are on the opposite side of the spectrum. "If it hurts, stop!"

They broke down all the exercises given to me to three simple concepts:

Move

Pace Yourself

Rest

*** If I don't get all the exercises done but I've moved throughout the day (I wear a step counter and my current goal is 5K steps a day), I'm good.

*** Am I taking breaks every hour from the computer? I'm good.

*** Am I getting a good night's sleep? I'm good.

My life is easier and more effortless as I go through each day. I still tend to over plan my days but not as much as I once did. I still tend to be a perfectionist, but I'm catching myself and reminding me of my priorities.

Move

Pace Myself

Rest

I've already seen the results of those three life-style changes and remain committed to stay on this path. 

Are you committed to an easier and effortless life-style?

What changes are you making?

I'm always open to learning from others, so please share!

Speaking of Friends!

I'm not a "joiner" a person who belongs to many groups or even enjoys spending time with lots of people. This past weekend was an exception. I attended the Spring Meeting of the Northwest Region of The William Glasser Institute. Not only did I see long time friend (37 years) but several newer friends but met 7 new people. 

I also belong to three romance writer chapters. I attend monthly meetings of my home chapter and annual or bi-annual conferences of my two long distance chapters.

You might think that members of The William Glasser Institute and romance writers don't have much in common. On the surface that may be true.

However, what they do have in common from my point of view is a common interest. I know when I walk in the door to any event sponsored by The William Glasser Institute whether it is a local gathering, a regional event, a national conference or an international convention I will have something in common with every other person. We are all connected through our interest, commitment or passion with Dr. Glasser's ideas.

The same is true when I walk into a gathering, meeting or conference of romance writers. We all have one thing in common. We write romance. Our romances can span time, be set in real and created places, be dark, be light, be funny, be serious, be in cities, be in small towns---you name it and a romance can be set there. But at the core, the story is about the relationship between the main characters - what challenges they face and how they overcome them.

My own stories are set in the fictional Fremont, Oregon based in part on Portland, Oregon. My heroines are seven women who join a sacred women's circle and create their own spiritual practices. They face everyday challenges: domestic violence, single parenting, career changes, abandonment, unwed mother, fighting physical illness, healing from the past, death of a spouse and other minor and not so minor challenges that are familiar to my readers.

Through the ups and downs of finding and falling in love with a man who accepts their independence and their commitment to each other as well as honors their spiritual practices, they rely on the support of The Circle to see them through the dark times and into the light of love.

Being a part of a group that accepts you as you are, supports you and your dreams and encourages you to move forward with your life is a gift. I'm fortunate to have two resources for that.

I'm currently in the final editing stages of Hunter, the fifth book in the series. Because of other commitments, it most likely won't be available until June 1st. Check out my website to learn more about The Sacred Women's Circle series.

I also have an author page at Windtree Press.

Where do you belong that you know you are accepted, supported and perhaps even loved and cherished?

To Friend or Not To Friend, That is the Question

I'm Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women's Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices the nourish the soul and celebrate relationships to romance.

Right now I'm working my way through edits and revisions of Hunter, the fifth book in the series. I have promised myself that when this book is published (late April or late May), I will spend some time focusing on Social Media.

Every author knows how important it is to be visible, to be discovered by new readers who love your stories so much they tell Everyone about your great book(s), they write glowing reviews that draw other people to your stories and sales grow because of it.

While Lily the first book in the series was published last March, I've not been "out there" much at all because I've chosen to spend my time writing - as of today I've four full-length novels, short stories in three anthologies, and another short story independently published as well as #5 in the series almost ready to go.

I've been encouraged to be more active on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest as well as LinkedIn, Google+, Instagram and Goodreads. I look at all those options and see my writing time dwindling. Actually I see it evaporating because in addition to my writing, I'm also a co-founder along with Sarah Raplee of the international group blog Romancing The Genres. And, I make an effort to upload a post here once a week.

And with Romancing The Genres celebrating our 4th Blog-O-Versary next month, we are hosting an international Facebook Event on April 29 and April 30. Stop by and meet award-winning, best selling authors, comment for a chance to win books and gift cards. Click on the link and like us!  https://www.facebook.com/romancingthegenres

How to find balance between my writing, social media, my other commitments? That truly is my question.

My question today is if you picked two ways to connect with other people, to become friends with them, to share your ideas, thoughts, passions on line. Which would you choose?

My website
My Windtree Press Author Page