Use Men As An Example?

Judith is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

I attended an event in September that had some Very Slow time and me, being me, I got out my pen and paper and made notes about topics for my October, November and December blog posts. So here I am writing the last post for November. My note?

Use men as example. OMG, what did I mean when I wrote down those four words? At first I thought I just wasn’t reading it correctly. After all, it was at the end of the page and written over something printed.

Then I realized my note to myself wasn’t just about men. It was about wanting to change our partners, make them different, mold them into something better.

Again, my work with Dr. William Glasser comes in handy. A concept we work with: The Only Person We Can Control Is Ourself.

Some people argue that isn’t true but if we look at the concept, really look at options, we know it is true. If we are controlled by others, we would always do what they say. There are instances where, when a gun was put to their head, some took the bullet rather than comply with the request.

Most relationships end because one person was unable to change the other person. When the bloom is off the romance, when the bills come in, when life is hard, when the children are sick and the roof leaks—the relationship is stressed and that’s when we more clearly see the “flaws” in each other.

The reality he never cooks doesn’t matter until the day you and two kids huddle in bed. You each have your own bucket to puke in because the toilet is too far away. “Where’s dinner?” he asks coming in the door. Your stomach roils at the thought of food, both kids are down to dry heaves. “What am I going to eat?”

She loves to shop and you love to see her in a great new outfit but then the company downsizes and you are out of a job. Oh, but we have savings, she says. “It’s going to be okay. You’ll get another job --- and there was this great 50% off sale. I saved us $150.00!!!

These may seem like extreme scenarios but I lived one of them and it wasn’t about shopping.

In Ashley when she’s diagnosed with recurrent breast cancer, the “in sickness and in health” vow in her marriage is broken. Her husband leaves and does not take the three children, and does not pay the bills.

It is pointless to try to change someone else. People die every day for a cause or religion they believe in. Just think suicide bomber.

The only person’s behavior we can change is our own. And when we focus on unconditionally accepting, supporting and loving ourselves all of our relationships benefit.

And one last thought: while we cannot change someone else, they may make a decision to change on their own. In Diana we see the inner workings in an abusive marriage. Diana does not immediately leave when her marriage is in trouble. Nor does she file for a restraining order or divorce. Numerous decisions in her life were made in order to please her parents and then her husband. Who is she in her own right? Until she finds that part of herself she’s frozen in time unable to stay in a soulless marriage but unable to move on.

Until we unconditionally accept, support and love ourselves, our relationships will never be as rich and fulfilling as they could be. And coming to love and understand ourselves opens up doorways to other relationships of which we could only dream.

I’ll end this post with repeating a truth from the air travel industry. “Put on your oxygen mask before you help others with theirs.” That is at the core of unconditionally loving ourselves. “We take care of ourselves first so we have something to give to others.”

Your free copy of Lily: The Dragon and The Great Horned Owl is waiting for you.

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Learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

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Unconditional Acceptance

Judith is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

I hope you enjoyed last Monday’s post on Beltane. Now that we are a little further along in the month of May and a little further along the Wheel of the Year, I want to share some thoughts on Unconditional Acceptance.

Simply put ‘unconditional’ means without conditions or not limited in any way.

Acceptance means the act of accepting; the state of being accepted or acceptable. And ‘accept’ is defined as “to receive willingly”

How does that translate when considering the topic Unconditional Acceptance in relationships?

In a relationship we understand that the other people are doing the best they can under the circumstances, given their skill set, objectives, etc.

Unconditional Acceptance does not necessarily mean unconditional approval. Those are two different concepts.

I can understand and accept decisions others make without approving of them or supporting them.

When raising children, parents often build “approval” into the mix which means the children may not believe or feel they are accepted. They feel different from the rest of the family, disengaged or even an outcast.

Acceptance of another person as she or he is, without conditions, without limits is a gift. And, depending on our own values and upbringing, it isn’t necessarily easy—but it is necessary to a healthy and functioning relationship.

It is possible to accept a person “warts and all” and still have boundaries in terms of the relationship. Not necessarily easy.

You can accept a family member or friend who has an addiction problem and also have the boundary that you will not spend time with them if they are under the influence.

When Sophia Stewart sends out her flyer inviting women to her house to form a sacred women’s circle, there were more than double the number who remained forty-five days later.

The six women who continued to come and who are the heroines in the series came to the first meeting open to a new experience, open to looking at the world from a slightly or even very different point of view. They were willing to listen, to learn, to participate with an open mind.

They created their sacred women’s circle from that initial unconditional acceptance. They created spiritual practices individually and together. They created a haven where they each had the safety and freedom to express themselves through prayer and practice knowing they were unconditionally accepted by the others.

Where in your life are you unconditionally accepted?

Please leave a comment. I’m very interested in your perspective even if you disagree. 

Sign up for Connections, my newsletter, and download a free e-copy of Lily.

Learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series on my website.

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Shields

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women's Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul.

In 2004 I was in an automobile accident that scrambled my brain. If I was in a quiet place, I was okay but my brain could not deal with noise and busyness. During this time, I tried to work as much as I could. My daughter-in-law would drive me to the office and come pick me up a few hours later. Because my thinking was slow if not scrambled, a co-worker began advocating with my supervisor for me to be fired.

Added to the daily struggle to accomplish basic tasks (showering, dressing, fixing a meal), this layer of stress was affecting my health and my performance at work. I did have my Shield of Protection but I wasn’t comfortable taking it to the office.

My sacred women’s circle sisters created these smaller shields for me. Easy to transport, easy to hang in my cubicle, easy for me to focus on their protecting energy when I needed to.

These shields are to me like another person’s lucky penny, four leaf clover or rabbit’s foot. I also have a small bag of protection stones in my car. One never knows when a bit of protective energy might come in handy.

In each of my Sacred Women’s Circle novels, the heroine faces a challenge. She either has her personal totem or her protection stones with her. And sometimes, she has both!

Do you have any talisman you carry with you or keep nearby?

You can learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series on my website.

Check out my Windtree Press author page.

Follow me on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

I’m also on Facebook

© 2016 Judith Ashley

House Totems

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women's Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul.

All last month I blogged about Personal Totems and Power Animals. This month I’m at least starting out talking about another Totem: A House Totem.

In Lily, Book One of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, the heroine, Lily, is sensitive to the energy of the land. Her house totem (the energy of the land her house is on) is a dragon. The hero’s house totem is the Great Horned Owl. Jackson Montgomery, the hero, purchased a statute of the owl when on a business trip. He could see it on the mantle in his home.

A friend of mine had a custom screen door made that incorporated a Great Blue Heron. She told me it just ‘felt right’. And I agreed. There was something about the energy surrounding the doorway that, even if you didn’t believe in house totems or the land having energies, you felt ‘something’.

One of my circle sisters asked me to intuit her house totem. I sat on the stairs just inside the front door and closed my eyes. I asked the house totem to show itself and several animals trooped by but a white buffalo stopped before traveling on. A little later another white buffalo walked across my mind’s eye from right to left. When the third white buffalo sauntered across my mental screen, I knew that was the totem.

Interested in finding out about your house totem?

Try these strategies:

If you meditate, ask your house totem to appear during a meditation session. The key is that the animal appear multiple times (at least three).

If you don’t meditate, find a quiet space in your house/yard. Relax and let your mind wander before asking your house totem to appear. Again look for multiple appearances.

If you aren’t sure, then do the exercise more than once. If it is your house totem it will come back.

Sometimes we know what our house totem is because it “just feels right” and the same thing goes for our personal totem or power animal.

However, guard against pride. Every animal has positive attributes. In Lily she sees the badger face on the façade of the house. But the wife is not happy. She wanted something grander. After Lily explains what the badger signifies, she happily goes out to find it in picture, statute or other form.

Are you aware of the myriad personality assessment tools out there? Then you know that there is a place for every possible combination of characteristics.

Would you really want to live or work in an environment where everyone is the same? I know I wouldn’t.

And, if you have questions, just ask. I love to engage with readers of my books and this blog so please leave a comment with your thoughts about the topic of house totems and the energy of the land. If you have problems leaving a comment here, please email me through my website or leave a message for me on Twitter or FB and I'll answer you.

You can learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series on my website.

Check out my Windtree Press author page.

Follow me on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

I’m also on Facebook

© 2016 Judith Ashley

Speaking of Friends!

I'm not a "joiner" a person who belongs to many groups or even enjoys spending time with lots of people. This past weekend was an exception. I attended the Spring Meeting of the Northwest Region of The William Glasser Institute. Not only did I see long time friend (37 years) but several newer friends but met 7 new people. 

I also belong to three romance writer chapters. I attend monthly meetings of my home chapter and annual or bi-annual conferences of my two long distance chapters.

You might think that members of The William Glasser Institute and romance writers don't have much in common. On the surface that may be true.

However, what they do have in common from my point of view is a common interest. I know when I walk in the door to any event sponsored by The William Glasser Institute whether it is a local gathering, a regional event, a national conference or an international convention I will have something in common with every other person. We are all connected through our interest, commitment or passion with Dr. Glasser's ideas.

The same is true when I walk into a gathering, meeting or conference of romance writers. We all have one thing in common. We write romance. Our romances can span time, be set in real and created places, be dark, be light, be funny, be serious, be in cities, be in small towns---you name it and a romance can be set there. But at the core, the story is about the relationship between the main characters - what challenges they face and how they overcome them.

My own stories are set in the fictional Fremont, Oregon based in part on Portland, Oregon. My heroines are seven women who join a sacred women's circle and create their own spiritual practices. They face everyday challenges: domestic violence, single parenting, career changes, abandonment, unwed mother, fighting physical illness, healing from the past, death of a spouse and other minor and not so minor challenges that are familiar to my readers.

Through the ups and downs of finding and falling in love with a man who accepts their independence and their commitment to each other as well as honors their spiritual practices, they rely on the support of The Circle to see them through the dark times and into the light of love.

Being a part of a group that accepts you as you are, supports you and your dreams and encourages you to move forward with your life is a gift. I'm fortunate to have two resources for that.

I'm currently in the final editing stages of Hunter, the fifth book in the series. Because of other commitments, it most likely won't be available until June 1st. Check out my website to learn more about The Sacred Women's Circle series.

I also have an author page at Windtree Press.

Where do you belong that you know you are accepted, supported and perhaps even loved and cherished?

What Am I Working On?

Today I’m participating in a blog hop. My first time ever! A bit of history:

MaggieLynch, founder of Windtree Press author cooperative, started this blog hop.

PatyJager, one of the first author’s to participate in Windtree Press, was next.

ChristyCarlyle, who writes Victorian historical romance and designs fantastic covers as Gilded Heart Design, was the third Windtree Press author to hop on.

I’m the fourth. It is possible this particular blog hop ends with four stops because I’ve not found another author to pick up October 1. If that changes, I’ll add her/his link to this post.

A blog hop is a way for readers to learn about other authors and perhaps become interested enough that they begin to read their books which is one of the main reasons writers write them.

So let’s begin:

What am I working on? I am diligently working on Ashley Book Four in The Sacred Women’s Circle series because I have a deadline – it’s due to my editor, October 26. The Sacred Women’s Circle series will be comprised of seven full length novels. Since each novel is specific to a member of The Circle, they vary from contemporary romantic women’s fiction to contemporary romance.

How does my work differ from others of its genre? There are many contemporary romances as well as lots of romantic women’s fiction. Mine differ in that they have a mystical spiritual element that is integral to the story.

Why do I write these stories? In some ways I have no choice. In 2001 and 2002, I had vivid day dreams and lucid night dreams about these seven women and their challenges. As I finish and publish one book, the next heroine invades my dreams. I’m curious as to what will happen when the stories are finished. What makes this so compelling for me is that I seldom remember any dreams and would swear I don’t dream except science says I do.

What is my writing process? I write the first draft – as straight through as I can. I learned how important that is to my writing process with Lily. that book took years!

Book two and three (Elizabeth and Diana) I started during National Novel Writing Month. I finished the first draft of Elizabeth in 51 days (over 112K words). Diana took a little longer because there were a couple of weeks around the holidays when I didn’t write at all. I finished that first draft mid-January.

Ashley is a bit different. I finished the first draft August 1, 2014 but I started the first draft in October, 2013. About half-way through, I paused to complete two short stories for the Love and Magick: Mystical Stories of Romance Anthology with Sarah Raplee and DianaMcCollum and published Lily, Elizabeth and Diana in e-books and print. Health problems and a granddaughter’s graduation from high school also impacted writing time.

Right now I’m editing and revising and am about half-way through the manuscript. Next is sending it to my editor to read. That is a different process – usually I have a Beta reader who is a whiz with grammar and punctuation read it and I make revisions based on her feedback before it goes to the editor but there is no time. I’ve a spot in my editor’s schedule and if I want this book published before the end of the year; this is what needs to happen.

So now you know the truth. Life happens and I scramble around, get my bearings and sit back down and keep writing. That is the only way these stories will be published and I’ll be back to my dreamless sleep.

PS: Do you think my being #4 on this blog hop and my working on Book 4 has any special meaning? Really, if this blog hop ends with me? A bit of mystical magick working?

PPS: You can follow another great blog by clicking “here”

For free short stories click “here”

To read more about The Sacred Women’s Circle check out my website and my author’s page at Windtree Press.

© Copy right by Judith Ashley 2014