Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series,
romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul. She is
also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute.
Dr. William Glasser first came to notice in the 1960’s due to
his work at the Ventura School for Girls and the backwards of the V.A. Hospital
in Los Angeles. I heard of Dr. Glasser in the late 60’s but it was 1978 before
I took my first Basic Intensive Training. To learn more about this remarkable
man’s life, I encourage you to read “Champion of Choice” by Jim Roy.
When engaging with others, asking ourselves “The Ultimate
Question” often creates an environment that
supports positive interactions and relationships. What is that question?
“If I say or do (fill in
the blank) will it bring us closer together or will it push us further apart?”
Connected with “The
Ultimate Question” is the idea of “Caring” and “Destructive” Habits which you
learned of in earlier posts.
If your relationships are
going well (and the other person/people think that also), then most likely you
are already using the “caring habits”.
When relationships hit
bumpy areas, most likely one or both of you are using the “deadly habits” in an
effort to “Make” the other person change or agree with you.
In Choice Theory and
Reality Therapy terms we say that is “External Control Psychology.” Around the
world the prevalent thought is that we can control others when in actuality
that is a myth of gigantic proportions.
As I write this post,
someone is dying for principles that are more important than living. And, as I
write this post, someone is making the choice to change in order to remain
alive.
 |
| Judith and friend, Robin Kramme making positive choices |
We all make choices based
on our internal sense of what is important to us, what we believe in, what
someone we love or respects wants us to do. So, it may feel like we are doing
something we don’t really want to do but the truth is, we’d rather do it than experience the result of not doing it.
I've certainly done my
share of household chores, school assignments and even work-related tasks over
the years. Have I wanted to do all of them? No.
But I did.
Why?
Household chores: grounding,
deductions from my allowance, arguing with my parents and still being expected
to do the chore were incentives for Me to decide to do them – not
necessarily with a smile on my face and joy in my heart but my parents did not
expect that. More than once I had part of my allowance deducted and I was
grounded because I would rather have that consequence than do the chore.
School assignments: Many,
many boring chapters read, endless papers written, inane or maybe insane
projects completed over sixteen plus years because I wanted to graduate from high school, graduate from college, get a
salary increase by completing additional educational coursework. And, being who
I am, it wasn’t acceptable to me to have poor grades. (My parents’
message was “as long as you do your best”).
Work-related tasks: Paycheck! When things were truly not something
I wanted to do, I reminded myself I had a job and most of the people I
worked with did not and because I had the job, I was getting paid to write the report, to check on the person, to
spend time in a filthy hoarder house, etc.
I invite you to begin to
monitor your internal process by paying attention to what is going on when you
do something you don’t want to do.
If that is true then why
are you doing it?
And, what is the
consequence if you don't?
Please ask questions if
this doesn’t make sense to you. And if it does? I’d love to hear from you in
the comments’ section.
Interested in learning
more about training in Dr. Glasser’s concepts? Email me at judith@judithashleyromance.com
or check out training availability at http://wglasser.com.
You can learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series
on my website.
Check out my Windtree Press
author page.
Follow me on Twitter: @JudithAshley19
I’m also on Facebook
© 2016 Judith Ashley
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