Glasser Wisdom: Reducing/Eliminating Useless Judgement

Glasser Wisdom: Reducing/Eliminating Useless Judgement

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul. She is also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute.

Dr. William Glasser first came to notice in the 1960’s due to his work at the Ventura School for Girls and the backwards of the V.A. Hospital in Los Angeles. I heard of Dr. Glasser in the late 60’s but it was 1978 before I took my first Basic Intensive Training. To learn more about this remarkable man’s life, I encourage you to read “Champion of Choice” by Jim Roy.

How do we eliminate or at least reduce Useless Judgement from our lives?

By remembering The Only Person We Can Control Is Ourselves.

If we remember this, we’ve reduced all Useless Judgement focused on other people.

That, however, still leaves ‘us’.

How do we reduce or eliminate Useless Judgement when it comes to us?

We do have control over our own behavior thus over our own choices.

This next week, keep track of your negative self-talk. Perhaps jot down the theme you see or hear as you go about your day.

You might also want to ‘catch yourself doing something right’ and congratulate yourself on your good judgement.

I’ve found that spending a few minutes before I go to bed to review my day is important. However, I focus on that for which I’m grateful. If you want to adopt that practice as the time you ‘catch yourself doing something right’, it's a perfect time to do so.

I do Not recommend that you review your negative self-talk at that time. Perhaps after dinner? Or when brushing your teeth? But not as you get ready to slip into your bed and fall asleep.

See you next Monday when we will check out how to move forward now that you know where to find your Useless Judgements.

You can learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series on my website.

Check out my Windtree Press author page.

Follow me on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

I’m also on Facebook

© 2016 Judith Ashley

Glasser Wisdom: Useless Judgement

Glasser Wisdom: Useless Judgement

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul. She is also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute.

Dr. William Glasser first came to notice in the 1960’s due to his work at the Ventura School for Girls and the backwards of the V.A. Hospital in Los Angeles. I heard of Dr. Glasser in the late 60’s but it was 1978 before I took my first Basic Intensive Training. To learn more about this remarkable man’s life, I encourage you to read “Champion of Choice” by Jim Roy.

“Useless Judgements” What are they?

Useless judgements are those that, in some way, harm us. Here’s a partial list:

I’m too stupid to learn X.

I’m not good enough.

My spouse/kids/friends/neighbors are selfish/don’t care about my problems.

I’ll never be able to XXX.

S/he should do XXX.

S/he shouldn’t do XXX.

If I was a good parent my kids would always/would never XXX.

Or in more general terms:

Our negative self-talk.

Our critical judgement of others.

Our efforts to mold someone, to make them change.

If you read “The Ultimate Question” you saw the list of the Seven Deadly and Seven Caring Habits that Dr. Glasser created. Not only do the Seven Deadly Habits leech the joy from our relationships with others but as, if not more important, they suck the joy out of our own lives.

When you think of the term Useless Judgements, what comes to mind? Pay attention to where useless judgements pop up in your life. Where are you? What are you doing? Who is with you?

Next week I’ll share one way to eliminate or at least reduce the incidents of “Useless Judgement” in your life.

And for those of you who love spelling, "judgement" and "judgment" are both listed in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary on my desk.

You can learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series on my website.

Check out my Windtree Press author page.

Follow me on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

I’m also on Facebook

© 2016 Judith Ashley

Glasser Wisdome: The Good and Bad in Judgement

Glasser Wisdom: The Good and Bad in Judgement

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul. She is also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute.

Dr. William Glasser first came to notice in the 1960’s due to his work at the Ventura School for Girls and the back wards of the V.A. Hospital in Los Angeles. I heard of Dr. Glasser in the late 60’s but it was 1978 before I took my first Basic Intensive Training. To learn more about this remarkable man’s life, I encourage you to read “Champion of Choice” by Jim Roy.

I hope you had fun with your “mission” this past week.

My guess is that most of you see the importance of judgement in our lives. I’m dealing with some health issues around food. It seems there are some foods I used to be able to eat that my body now takes exception to. I’m adding foods into my diet one at a time to see who the culprits are. Many judgements going on with each new addition including what to add next and then how does my body feel.

There are basics such as food that are ‘it depends’. For some, they do not have the luxury of deciding what to eat. They are grateful for ‘something’ to eat. That is where their judgement comes in. Going further down that line of thinking, for some, the decision is what they will do to get food. Some are hungry enough to steal food. Some will sell themselves for food.

Whenever I hear the words “I had no choice”, I translate that into, this choice was the best one given my options.

This ties into the Myth of Choice. Somewhere in our lives we come to believe that there is always a ‘good choice’ if we can just figure it out.

That just isn’t true. Staying with food for our example.

We go to the grocery store with a special dinner menu in mind and with a budget to stick to. As we browse the aisles we find that while all the ingredients are there, their prices aren’t within our budget. So, the special dinner menu we anticipated isn’t available if we stick to our budget or we spend beyond our means to get what we want. If the dollar amount in our budget is finite and there isn’t any room to wiggle, we have more decisions to make as to what we will include or not include. Every phase of this shopping trip takes judgement.

At this point we have even more choices. We can bemoan the fact that we don’t have the money to buy what we want. We can berate the grocery store for charging such high prices. We can see if we can shop lift one of the ingredients so we can afford the special dinner.

Each one of these is a separate choice based on judgement. Depending on how important that special dinner is to you, you’ll make your decision based on the importance of the dinner rather than the possible consequences.

Judgements that are helpful to us are ‘good’. That also means the consequences of that judgement or decision is positive.

Judgements that have negative consequences in our lives are ‘bad’. Sometimes we stay so focused on what we want, we do not pay attention to possible consequences. And, that can create problems.

Reread my post on “The Ultimate Question” if you are having relationship issues. You may find a way to make better or good judgements/decisions.

Where are you making judgements that have negative consequences? Do you see a pattern?

I’ll be back next Monday with more about how “Useless judgements” leech joy from our lives and create havoc in our relationships with ourselves and others.

You can learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series on my website.

Check out my Windtree Press author page.

Follow me on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

I’m also on Facebook

© 2016 Judith Ashley

Glasser Wisdom: Judgement: Can We Live Without It?

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul. She is also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute.

Dr. William Glasser first came to notice in the 1960’s due to his work at the Ventura School for Girls and the back wards of the V.A. Hospital in Los Angeles. I heard of Dr. Glasser in the late 60’s but it was 1978 before I took my first Basic Intensive Training. To learn more about this remarkable man’s life, I encourage you to read “Champion of Choice” by Jim Roy.

Judgement or if you prefer, evaluation, assessment, discernment, comparison (actually there are even more names we use instead of ‘judgement’). For the sake of this post, I’m using the term ‘judgement’ to include any word that describes how we make decisions/choices.

If you read my “All Behavior Is Purposeful” post, you know that Dr. Glasser teaches that all we can do is behave and that all behavior is purposeful and it is our best effort at the time to achieve something we want.

How does ‘judgement’ fit in to this?

Everything we do is based on ‘judgement’. Here's a simple example.

Three friends are out exploring their city on a warm summer afternoon. They decide to stop at an outdoor café for something cold to drink.

First judgement: it’s warm

Second judgement: outdoor café

Third judgement: something cold to drink

They haven’t even seen the menu or ordered.

After seeing the menu they order lemonade.

Fourth judgement(s): checking out the menu, deciding on lemonade

Server brings three identical glasses of lemonade. The friends clink their glasses together in a toast to a fun day together and take a sip.

“This is great lemonade,” one friend says licking her lips.

“Oh no, it’s not sweet enough,” another friend says, her mouth puckering.

“You’re both wrong,” says the third friend setting down her glass and pushing it away. “It’s too sweet.”

This simple example translates to millions of judgements we make every day.

Your mission, if you choose to take it, is twofold. 

One: Pay attention to the myriad of decisions/judgements you make every day.

Two: Ask yourself: How can I live my life without judgement? No food is too hot, cold, sweet, spicy. No bed too soft, hard, etc. No commute too long. And then come back next Monday and we'll proceed with the good and bad in judgement.

Also, I strongly encourage you to click here and read “All Behavior Is Purposeful”. You may see your judgements in a whole new light.

You can learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series on my website.

Check out my Windtree Press author page.

Follow me on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

I’m also on Facebook

© 2016 Judith Ashley