A month of love: Writing

February: month of love.

A core theme in my stories is

When in Doubt, Choose Love and Light

I love writing stories where the characters find their way past challenges of their own making as well as those that pop up in their path. At some point both the hero and the heroine must make a choice and both have risks and possible heart-ache.

But as much as I love writing romance stories I also love teaching people about Dr. William Glasser's Choice Theory and how to use it and the concepts inReality Therapy to create the life they want for themselves.

Because of that desire, I’ve melded my two loves and have branched out into non-fiction. Staying Sane in a Crazy World is the first of three non-fiction books I plan on publishing this year along additional fiction books.

Every Monday during the month of February I’ll be sharing something I love about my life. In case you haven't figured it out, I love to write and teach!

What do I love about writing?

A large segment of the population who sees me for the first time sees me as “old” and while I don’t feel particularly older than say 35 – 40, the calendar would add several decades to those numbers. What that means is I’ve lived a rich and varied life. I’ve experienced tragedy and born witness to man’s inhumanity to man in my decades in social service work.

Because of my own experiences and my witnessing of others, I’ve a treasure trove of information I can share through my stories. It is my time to speak up, speak out and through my books share the lessons I’ve personally learned as well as the one’s I’ve seen other people learn.

Here are two opportunities for you to experience what I mean when I write about sharing life lessons through my writing.

When you sign up for my mailing list, you will receive a link to download your free digital copy of Lily: The Dragon and The Great Horned Owl.

Go to JudithAshleyRomance.com and sign up for my occasional newsletter“Connections.”

Follow the prompts to download your own digital copy of the first book in The Sacred Women’s Circle series.

And if you want to check out my non-fiction? Click on this link and leave your first name and email address, I will send you a Free Copy of Staying Sane in a Crazy World as soon as it is ready for publication. It isn’t a long book, under 10K words but it is chock full of information and ideas about how you can create your own personal Staying Sane Plan.

What’s the catch? I’d appreciate your writing a review and even telling your friends about it but other than that, no catch.

Here’s the link again.

While you will be signing up twice, you will not get duplicate emails from me because I use ConvertKit. But be sure to use the same email address.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

Who Comes First?

Judith is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

Who comes first?

If we don’t unconditionally accept, support and love ourselves, putting someone else’s needs ahead of our own is at best challenging and at worst impossible.

And, even when we do love ourselves, depending on what is asked of us? 

Well, that can bring a different challenge.

Friends grow and change, get married, move—each of those life events means changes on some level in our lives.

In my case I’ve two long-time friends who have dementia. As their memory diminishes and our shared adventures fade, it is even more important for me to stay in a neutral place, to ask myself what can I do to unconditionally support and love them through this phase of their lives.

My choices are made taking into consideration where they are in their life journey. I accept there isn’t anything I can do to change their situations. Their brains are damaged.

In all of my books, I show women who unconditionally accept each other –foibles and all.

At some point in their story, each woman faces a choice that will be life altering (and some face those decisions more than once).

What is important is they are not alone.

The Circle is there. The Circle offers them a haven and support. The Circle does not have an expectation for what their members Will Do or Must Do but, instead waits to support what each woman decides to do.

Do they wait in silence? Sometimes.

But they will also offer a perspective, usually in the form of a question.

A favorite question I use that I learned as a student of Dr. William Glasser’s Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Lead Management is “If there was a way to ???? and ???? would you be interested in  exploring that?”

Elizabeth is asked “If there was a way to marry Michael in Ireland and stay in The Circle in Fremont, OR would she be interested?”

When Logan does not want to see her mother, Hunter is asked what is more important, knowing her daughter is safe and protected or being there with her?

Sophia is a widow who falls in love with Cam Mitchell who works in law enforcement. Her question? Is it better to live with love in the Now than to live without love into the future?

It isn’t that when the question is asked each woman automatically is clear on the answer.

Doubts surface. Questions that start with words like “But— How” are asked. Because they have the support of their Circle Sisters, they find a way past the doubts and fears!

One of the things I’ve learned in my own life and in writing these stories is that there are times when we need to focus on the What and trust that the How will reveal itself.

Your free copy of Lily: The Dragon and The Great Horned Owl is waiting for you.

Go to JudithAshleyRomance.com and sign up for my occasional newsletter “Connections.” Follow the prompts to download your own digital copy of the first book in The Sacred Women’s Circle series.

Learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

 You can also find Judith on FB!

Thank You!

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

How often do you say “thank you” to friends and family for something they do for you?

How often do you say “thank you” to a stranger who provides a service?

How often do you say “thank you” to strangers who gesture you in front of them in a line, hold a door open for you or in other ways helps you through your day?

Recently I attended The William Glasser Institute’sConference celebrating the 50^th Anniversary of the publication of Dr. Glasser’s book Reality Therapy. At one point I visited The Embassy Suites hotel gift shop. Since writing this post was in the back of my mind, I asked the clerk in the hotel gift shop how many people said “thank you”. He gave my question serious thought and then answered “8 out of 10, I think”.

As I was checking out of my hotel, the Mardi Gras next door to The Embassy Suites, I stopped by the bar to get my water bottle filled with ice and water. I’d met the bartender, Tim, on my first day when I waited in the bar (instead of sitting in front of the slot machines) until a room was ready. He’d been very welcoming and while I did thank him at the time, I made sure to tell him again how much I appreciated his welcome.

His smile made my day! He also grabbed a card and ran across the room to hand it to me. “If you don’t mind,” he said. “TripAdvisory?” The shuttle was out front so I took the card, said “no problem” and headed out the door.

I invite you to see what happens when you say “Thank You” to the clerk at the grocery store, the person who pushes the elevator button for your floor, the person who motions you ahead of them, lets you into a line of traffic (you can mouthed the words with a big smile and wave – they’ll get the message).

Look for people to acknowledge with two very powerful words: Thank You.

Last Monday I talked about the power of a smile. You might find as I have that saying “Thank You” not only puts a smile on my face but on the face of another.

JudithAshley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual paths that nurture the soul. The fifth book in the series, Hunter, is due out Summer 2015.

Learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series here.

Judith blogs at Romancing The Genres on the first Friday of each month.

The Ultimate Question

When engaging with others, asking ourselves “The Ultimate Question” often creates an environment

Judith Ashley

that supports positive interactions and relationships. What is that question?

“If I say or do (fill in the blank) will it bring us closer together or will it push us further apart?”

Connected with “The Ultimate Question” is the idea of “Caring” and “Destructive” Habits which I’ll share in more detail next Monday.

If your relationships are going well (and the other person/people think that also), then most likely you are already using the “caring habits”.

When relationships hit bumpy areas, most likely one or both of you are using the “deadly habits in an effort to “Make” the other person change or agree with you.

In Choice Theory and Reality Therapy terms we say that is “External Control Psychology.” Around the world the prevalent thought is that we can control others when in actuality that is a myth of gigantic proportions.

As I write this post, someone is dying for principles that are more important than living. And, as I write this post, someone is making the choice to change in order to remain alive.

We all make choices based on our internal sense of what is important to us, what we believe in, what someone we love or respects wants us to do. So, it may feel like we are doing something we don’t really want to do but the truth is, we’d rather do it than experience the result of not doing it.

I've certainly done my share of household chores, school assignments and even work-related tasks over the years. Have I wanted to do all of them? No.

But I did.

Why?

Household chores: grounding, deductions from my allowance, arguing with my parents and still being expected to do the chore were incentives for Me to decide to do them – not necessarily with a smile on my face and joy in my heart but my parents did not expect that. More than once I had part of my allowance deducted and I was grounded because I would rather have that consequence than do the chore.

School assignments: Many, many boring chapters read, endless papers written, inane or maybe insane projects completed over sixteen plus years because I wanted to graduate from high school, graduate from college, get a salary increase by completing additional educational coursework. And, being who I am, it wasn't acceptable to me to have poor grades. (My parents’ message was “as long as you do your best”).

Work-related tasks: paycheck! When things were truly not something I wanted to do, I reminded myself I had a job and most of the people I worked with did not and because I had the job, I was getting paid to write the report, to check on the person, to spend time in a filthy hoarder house, etc.

Between now and next week monitor your internal process when you do something you tell yourself you don’t want to do. 

Why are you doing it? 

What would the consequence be if you didn't?

Next week I’ll share Dr. Glasser’s  Seven Deadly and Seven Caring Habits.

Remember: Your Choices Today Determine Your Tomorrow 

Check out my writing life at http://judithashleyromance.com

Check out my Glasser Concepts trainings and workshops at http://GlasserConceptsTraining.com

New Beginnings

By Judith Ashley

Last weekend I spent Saturday with an old group of friends (and made some new ones). In another part of my life I'm on the senior international faculty for The William Glasser Institute and we had a regional meeting.

So?

Our Region has had a series of Directors who've been more interested in their Glasser Institute Board duties than keeping the membership of the geographic area they represent connected. Our new Director has taken a year to get up to speed. She met with former Region leadership, supported faculty who were doing trainings, put up a new website because the previous one died when the hosting fee wasn't paid, etc. Last but not least she organized a day long meeting so we could reconnect and make a plan to move forward.

What I said when it was my turn to introduce myself: I'm grateful for this meeting because it is so important to me to have a place where I can come and know everyone in the room has a similar view of how the world works. Well, if you know me there was a bit more.

Judith

As a writer of romance that statement is true of chapter meetings and conferences. Everyone in the room is a romance writer or potential romance writer. And, as writers of romance there are ways we view the world whether we write sci fi romance or sweet inspirational romance. Our heroine and hero will have challenges, they will overcome them, more challenges will crop up and they'll beat them back. In the end they'll figure it out and have their happily-ever-after (or HEA).

My next few posts will focus on the teachings of Dr. William Glasser, a psychiatrist whose curiosity about how people work led to his development of Reality Therapy, a counseling modality. And from that his creation of an underlying theory to support RT as a counseling modality and in its use in schools, businesses, and an individual's life. That theory is Choice Theory.

You may want to check out The William Glasser - US website. We've a fantastic day of webinars coming up on 10/10/14. Leaders in the field of mental health are interviewed - you can check the listing so you can tune in to the people you most want to hear.

Curious about how Dr. Glasser's work is viewed around the world? Check out The William Glasser International website. We are teaching Choice Theory to the World!

Enthusiastic Group at 2014 Regional Meeting

Stay tuned to learn how to use Dr. Glasser's Needs Assessment Survey to improve your life or to create conflict between your characters.

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