Judith is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series,
romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and
celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.
Who comes first?
If we don’t unconditionally accept, support and love
ourselves, putting someone else’s needs ahead of our own is at best challenging
and at worst impossible.
And, even when we do love ourselves, depending on what is
asked of us?
Well, that can bring a different challenge.
Friends grow and change, get married, move—each of those life events means changes on some level in our lives.
Well, that can bring a different challenge.
Friends grow and change, get married, move—each of those life events means changes on some level in our lives.
In my case I’ve two long-time friends who have dementia.
As their memory diminishes and our shared adventures fade, it is even more
important for me to stay in a neutral place, to ask myself what can I do to
unconditionally support and love them through this phase of their lives.
My choices are made taking into consideration where they
are in their life journey. I accept there isn’t anything I can do to change
their situations. Their brains are damaged.
In all of my books, I show women who unconditionally accept each
other –foibles and all.
At some point in their story, each woman faces a choice
that will be life altering (and some face those decisions more than once).
What is important is they are not alone.
The Circle is there. The Circle offers them a haven and support. The Circle does not have an expectation for what their members Will Do or Must Do but, instead waits to support what each woman decides to do.
The Circle is there. The Circle offers them a haven and support. The Circle does not have an expectation for what their members Will Do or Must Do but, instead waits to support what each woman decides to do.
Do they wait in silence? Sometimes.
But they will also offer a perspective, usually in the
form of a question.
A favorite question I use that I learned as a student of
Dr. William Glasser’s Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Lead Management is “If
there was a way to ???? and ???? would you be interested in exploring that?”
Elizabeth is asked “If there was a way to marry Michael
in Ireland and stay in The Circle in Fremont, OR would she be interested?”
When Logan does not want to see her mother, Hunter is
asked what is more important, knowing her daughter is safe and protected or
being there with her?
Sophia is a widow who falls in love with Cam Mitchell who
works in law enforcement. Her question? Is it better to live with love in the
Now than to live without love into the future?
Elizabeth is asked “If there was a way to marry Michael
in Ireland and stay in The Circle in Fremont, OR would she be interested?”
When Logan does not want to see her mother, Hunter is
asked what is more important, knowing her daughter is safe and protected or
being there with her?
Sophia is a widow who falls in love with Cam Mitchell who
works in law enforcement. Her question? Is it better to live with love in the
Now than to live without love into the future?
It isn’t that when the question is asked each woman
automatically is clear on the answer.
Doubts surface. Questions that start with words like “But— How” are asked. Because they have the support of their Circle Sisters, they find a way past the doubts and fears!
Doubts surface. Questions that start with words like “But— How” are asked. Because they have the support of their Circle Sisters, they find a way past the doubts and fears!
One of the things I’ve learned in my own life and in
writing these stories is that there are times when we need to focus on the What
and trust that the How will reveal itself.
Your free copy of Lily: The
Dragon and The Great Horned Owl is
waiting for you.
Go to JudithAshleyRomance.com and sign up for my occasional newsletter “Connections.” Follow the prompts to download your own digital
copy of the first book in The Sacred Women’s Circle series.
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2 comments:
I love the idea of asking these open-ended questions that allow for more than a binary choice. That is one of the things I find hard to do in the heat of the moment. I always look for the black or white answer, instead of the grey answer--the one that opens the door to multiple possibilities instead of closing a door to one.
Thanks for this. Great books to incorporate this as an underlying theme.
The "If there was a way" question opens the mind to finding a solution to the problem instead of focusing on the barriers. When I first learned it a couple decades ago, the example used was "If there was a way to lose weight and yet eat whatever you want, are you interested in finding it?"
Dr. William Glasser believed and taught that a "true conflict" was a situation where no matter your choice you lost something/someone important to you. When looked at from that perspective many issues we have are not true conflicts but situations where we just don't like our choices.
Because I've been a student of Dr. Glasser since the late 1960's and on his teaching faculty since 1980, I've internalized the concepts of Reality Therapy and Choice Theory which is why I they are embedded in my books. I tell people who are interested in or know RT/CT that my books teach the concepts in subtle ways. Those open-ended questions are perfect examples.
Thanks for discussing these concepts with me, Maggie.
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