What else can I call Frustration?

Welcome! I'm Judith Ashley author of The Sacred Women's Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

In my belief system, the feeling of frustration is a negative and therefore, does not help me maintain a positive outlook on life or keep me energized in a good way.

While I've completed 75 - 80% of what I wanted to do today, I find myself stymied by my old nemesis---technology.

Yes, indie-publishing has many learning curves and while I have learned them, I have three novels and an anthology out there, the challenge is I haven't used these new skills since last March! So they are pretty much lost.

This afternoon (I'm writing this Sunday for Monday readers), it took me about ten minutes to figure out how to get into Amazon's Createspace publishing program! I kept ending up on Amazon with all the "buy this" and "buy that" - not where I wanted to be at all.

I e-published Ashley, the fourth story in The Sacred Women's Circle series, on December 24, 2014 and I'm now ready to put the print book out there BUT

Recounting the barriers here is not helpful so suffice it to say, I'm taking a step back. Hard boiling some eggs (a great snack/meal if I'm in a hurry or just too busy to fix anything), and calling it a day.

One thing I've learned is that the closer together I publish my stories, the easier this process will be. Why? Because I'll still remember how to do it. After ten months, it's almost like learning it from the beginning - not quite, but close. Can't believe it took me so long to figure out how to get into kdp.amazon.com  

Also I've had re-enforced there are times when postponing things to another time works better for me than plowing through.

I'm always looking for new ideas on how to keep on the positive track.

Would love to know what you do when frustration looms? Do you push through? Do you step back?

You can learn more about The Sacred Women's Circle series here.

Gifts from the Heart

Welcome, I'm Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women's Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the path from relationship to romance.

Welcome again to 2015! What's special about this first Monday of the new year?

The Windtree Press Valentine Anthology "Gifts from the Heart" is available. Here's the back cover copy.


Rediscover the magic and romance of Valentine’s Day with these nine stories of Gifts From The Heart. Stories of best friends, lost chances, first love, love renewed, and new love will bring a tear to your eye and a little skip in the beat of your heart.

Read about a wounded warrior saved by a ring. Empathize with two different widows as they strive to overcome their past and open their hearts to trust again. Follow a survivor of the Titanic as she boards another ship and her past and future collide.

Shiver with the cautionary tale of the prison of love in the legend of Ann’er from the dark world of Thorn. Laugh at the humorous escapades of a young woman led to find love through the questionable assistance of her cat. Then finish this volume by relaxing in the fairy-tale world of a little dog who helps a sad and lonely princess learn to accept the unconditional love of pets.


“The Telltale Heart” by Sarah Raplee
“Is He the One?” by Judith Ashley
“Saved by the Ring” by Diana McCollum
“Be My Valentine” by Susan Lute
“Dancing on the Water” by Mercer Addison
“Heart of a Highlander” by Collette Cameron
“The Flaming Heart of Winter” by Pamela Cowan
“Matchmaker Cat” by Jane Killick
“Metro Goes to London” by Susie Slaninawww.susieslanina.com

My role in this anthology was expanded because, along with Sarah Raplee and Diana McCollum, I was one of the editors. In that role, I've had the pleasure of reading each of these stories. My favorite? For various reasons, each story touched my heart.

Here is the Table of Contents copy about my story:

Is He the One? by Judith Ashley

When her best friend and long-time lover proposes, Sophia hesitates to say “yes.” Unable to trust her heart, Sophia analyzes their relationship using Dr. William Glasser’s concept of basic psychological needs. By morning she has her answer.

The beautiful cover is by Christy Carlyle of Gilded Heart Design.

Please consider adding Gifts from the Heart to your New Year's book purchase! It is available at Windtree Press and other major e-retailers.

Visit my website for more information about The Sacred Women's Circle series.
Click here to watch my YouTube podcast.

2015 and Smart Phones

Welcome, I'm Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women's Circle series, contemporary romantic fiction that honor spiritual practices that nourishes the soul and celebrate the journey from relationship to romance.

What are my goals for 2015?

One of them is to learn to use my ‘smart phone’ more effectively.

It’s humbling to know my phone is smarter than I am in some ways. I’ve now figured out how to set the alarm, add appointments to the calendar but will also admit to being irritated when it reminds me of something I know about.

I’ve also resigned myself to the reality that the phone function is Not its primary purpose. I can more easily check my emails than make a phone call!

How does this fit in with Dr. Glasser’s concepts?

When something is working, we keep doing it.

When something isn’t working, we look for other ways.

But there’s another concept at work here. We all have beliefs about the world around us and our place it. One of my beliefs is that I’m curious, intelligent and capable. Seeing so many people pulling out their smart phones and tapping in appointments, lists, etc., I decided to try it out. See what it’s like to be paperless (not really because I still have my paper system) but if this is a system that would work for me.

To be honest I really can’t see me totally giving up my organizational process. But I have begun to use texting as a way to communicate – usually easier than making that phone call.

I check my emails on my phone more often than on the computer – fast check only. I seldom answer through my phone because typing the answer this way takes waaay more time than when at my computer.

However, there is a problem with checking my emails this way. I can only check three of my 5 accounts. For some reason the phone will not sync to the 4^th address I regularly check. My option to “fix” this is to spend time on the phone with the Comcast technical center to see if they can lead me through a process to connect this last email account to my phone.

My other idea is, when I pay my dues to the William Glasser Institute is to change that email address to a gmail account. Google plays nicer with Samsung than Explorer does.

What do you like best about your smart phone?

Do you have functions you wish worked better than they do?

Time Warps and To Do Lists

Welcome, I'm Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women's Circle series, contemporary romantic fiction that honor spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrate the journey from relationship to romance.

Does anyone else live in a time warp or is it only me?

In my memory, time used to be more consistent. Now it seems to zip by at warp speed or creep by.

It is the Monday before Christmas when I write this. Less than two weeks until 2015. A time for reflection?

What have I accomplished in 2014?

I’ve still a few tasks still on my To Do List but for the most part, major items are crossed off.

I will admit to being an inveterate list maker. I have a list of my 2014 writing goals next to my computer. Each week I write out my daily goals. What’s sort of cool is I have every week’s list for the entire year! I used to keep a daily organizer to keep track of appointments. This year I changed my practice to this weekly list. I think I’ll keep it for 2015.

What does this have to do with Dr. Glasser’s concepts?

Remember “All behavior is purposeful” and if something is working for us i.e. we find it helpful, we keep on doing it. I like the practice of sitting down on Sunday and writing out on a piece of paper what I want to accomplish the next week.

To be honest, what I like most of all about my practice is the crossing off of each task as it is completed.

OR

I circle the task and draw an arrow to another day. Sometimes a task transfers to another week.

However, when I finish it, I go back and cross it off wherever it was listed. Very satisfying for me.

How do you organize?

Are you a paper and pen/pencil person?

Do you use an electronic calendar (computer, phone, etc.)?

Check out my website 
I also blog the first Friday of the month at http://romancingthegenres'blogspot.com
My author page at Windtree Press

And The Winner Is!!!

Hi, I'm Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women's Circle series, romantic fiction that feeds the soul and celebrates the journey from Relationship to Romance.

Last Friday I wrote a Blog Post "Help! I Need Help With Branding at Romancing The Genres asking for help in strengthening my brand. Anyone who commented was entered into a drawing for a $5.00 Starbucks (or Burgerville) gift card.

Drum Roll!!!!!!!!

And the winner is:

Terri Reed

I got some excellent suggestions and will be revising and refining and unveiling my new tag line and introduction on Friday, January 2, 2015. 

How does all this tie in with Dr. William Glasser's ideas? 

Very simply. 

I have a picture of myself being a successful published author. I've definitions and timelines to categorize my success. One of the things I've learned as I've traveled the publishing road is the importance of being visible, of having name recognition.

Readers buy books because they know the author and like the stories that author tells or there is something else that draws them. It could be the cover. It could be the title. It could be something on the author's website. It could be the consistent few sentences the author uses to identify herself (or himself).

That means an author's tagline, how she describes herself to the reading public is critical.

One major step for me to take to match my real life with that picture of myself as a successful author is to make sure the first words I use to introduce myself to readers are the best ones I can think of.

Thanks to Terri and the other people who shared their ideas with me. 

Judith Ashley, author of The Sacred Women's Circle series

Romantic Fiction that Feeds the Soul

The Four Layers of Politeness

By Judith Ashley

Do you ever have nights when you just can't slip over the edge into sleep?

Last night was one of those nights for me.

Finally, around 2 a.m. I got up and jotted down some notes - those pesky thoughts that just wouldn't go away for one: ideas for other blog posts, thoughts about something I read in a blog post  Melania Tolan put up on Google and a comment Michelle Knight made (she was one of the three young Cleveland, OH women held captive and tortured by Ariel Castro.

How does that all fit in with my current theme of exploring Dr. William Glasser's concepts?

One of the fundamental premises is All behavior is purposeful. 

Does that mean if I bump into someone at the grocery store I did that on purpose. Most likely not. But we all engage in behaviors that have consequences we don't plan for.

When Mr. Castro kidnapped the young women, held them captive and tortured them he did know what he was doing in that moment. Perhaps he was "sick" but he did know what he was doing. He did know he was inflicting pain, inflicting harm. After the fact he being sick doesn't mean he didn't know what he was doing. In reports I've read, he said he was sick and wanted someone to stop him. He even may have regretted it but not enough to release them, to stop, to get help for himself or any number of things he could have done.

Judith Ashley

I sometimes wonder what went wrong before the young women got into his car. Did they really not have any uneasy feelings or a sense that something was wrong?

Not that I'm an expert but my 40+ years in social services certainly has exposed me to predators and victims. My thoughts are not all that original in some ways but they are what I jotted down in the middle of the night.

The Four Layers of Politeness:

1. Women of a certain age were raised with similar messages. They were told to be nice to everyone, to excuse other people's intrusive behavior, to look at what they'd done if someone was abusive to them. Hearing that from early childhood "good girls don't shout, hit, kick, scream, yell, fight - well you get the picture". Women, in particular raised in this way, often don't even see a problem or feel uncomfortable.

2. Women of a certain age and those a little younger feel uncomfortable, maybe even see a problem but they excuse the perpetrator's behavior away. "He didn't know any better." "She's only a child."

3. Women, usually a little younger, feel uncomfortable and see a problem but choose not to act. What if they are wrong? What if they embarrass the other person? What if doing something makes it worse?

4. Women and now girls, in my opinion, often recognize the problem. Taking action is more prevalent today than ever before. How to handle difficult social situations, like on a date, is taught in some schools. Girls are encouraged to have and use their voices.

An example: I'm one of those "women of a certain age." When I was in elementary school and a boy grabbed a girls breast or purse to pull her Kotex out and run down the hall with it, girls were told "boys will be boys" and other than maybe a "you shouldn't do that", nothing happened to the boy. Today, a boy who did anything like that would be at least suspended from school.

Read about Ted Bundy and see how these Layers of Politeness worked for him.

Segueing back to Dr. Glasser - all behavior is purposeful. What do you want when you make the choice to act or not act; to perhaps appear foolish or embarrassed or if your inner warning signal is right on, live another day?

It's fairly easy to determine what our purpose is when we are kind and caring towards each other but what about when we aren't? All behavior is purposeful so when we snap at someone, cut someone off in traffic, say something mean or threatening - what is it we want in that moment.

Which Layer of Politeness were you raised with?
How have you overcome it or have you?

The women in The Sacred Women's Circle series were all raised with one of the Four Layers of Politeness being dominate. When you read their stories, see if you can figure out what those early childhood messages were. Let me know what you think.

New Beginnings

By Judith Ashley

Last weekend I spent Saturday with an old group of friends (and made some new ones). In another part of my life I'm on the senior international faculty for The William Glasser Institute and we had a regional meeting.

So?

Our Region has had a series of Directors who've been more interested in their Glasser Institute Board duties than keeping the membership of the geographic area they represent connected. Our new Director has taken a year to get up to speed. She met with former Region leadership, supported faculty who were doing trainings, put up a new website because the previous one died when the hosting fee wasn't paid, etc. Last but not least she organized a day long meeting so we could reconnect and make a plan to move forward.

What I said when it was my turn to introduce myself: I'm grateful for this meeting because it is so important to me to have a place where I can come and know everyone in the room has a similar view of how the world works. Well, if you know me there was a bit more.

Judith

As a writer of romance that statement is true of chapter meetings and conferences. Everyone in the room is a romance writer or potential romance writer. And, as writers of romance there are ways we view the world whether we write sci fi romance or sweet inspirational romance. Our heroine and hero will have challenges, they will overcome them, more challenges will crop up and they'll beat them back. In the end they'll figure it out and have their happily-ever-after (or HEA).

My next few posts will focus on the teachings of Dr. William Glasser, a psychiatrist whose curiosity about how people work led to his development of Reality Therapy, a counseling modality. And from that his creation of an underlying theory to support RT as a counseling modality and in its use in schools, businesses, and an individual's life. That theory is Choice Theory.

You may want to check out The William Glasser - US website. We've a fantastic day of webinars coming up on 10/10/14. Leaders in the field of mental health are interviewed - you can check the listing so you can tune in to the people you most want to hear.

Curious about how Dr. Glasser's work is viewed around the world? Check out The William Glasser International website. We are teaching Choice Theory to the World!

Enthusiastic Group at 2014 Regional Meeting

Stay tuned to learn how to use Dr. Glasser's Needs Assessment Survey to improve your life or to create conflict between your characters.

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http://www.romancingthegenres.blogspot.com
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