A month of love: Writing

February: month of love.

A core theme in my stories is

When in Doubt, Choose Love and Light

I love writing stories where the characters find their way past challenges of their own making as well as those that pop up in their path. At some point both the hero and the heroine must make a choice and both have risks and possible heart-ache.

But as much as I love writing romance stories I also love teaching people about Dr. William Glasser's Choice Theory and how to use it and the concepts inReality Therapy to create the life they want for themselves.

Because of that desire, I’ve melded my two loves and have branched out into non-fiction. Staying Sane in a Crazy World is the first of three non-fiction books I plan on publishing this year along additional fiction books.

Every Monday during the month of February I’ll be sharing something I love about my life. In case you haven't figured it out, I love to write and teach!

What do I love about writing?

A large segment of the population who sees me for the first time sees me as “old” and while I don’t feel particularly older than say 35 – 40, the calendar would add several decades to those numbers. What that means is I’ve lived a rich and varied life. I’ve experienced tragedy and born witness to man’s inhumanity to man in my decades in social service work.

Because of my own experiences and my witnessing of others, I’ve a treasure trove of information I can share through my stories. It is my time to speak up, speak out and through my books share the lessons I’ve personally learned as well as the one’s I’ve seen other people learn.

Here are two opportunities for you to experience what I mean when I write about sharing life lessons through my writing.

When you sign up for my mailing list, you will receive a link to download your free digital copy of Lily: The Dragon and The Great Horned Owl.

Go to JudithAshleyRomance.com and sign up for my occasional newsletter“Connections.”

Follow the prompts to download your own digital copy of the first book in The Sacred Women’s Circle series.

And if you want to check out my non-fiction? Click on this link and leave your first name and email address, I will send you a Free Copy of Staying Sane in a Crazy World as soon as it is ready for publication. It isn’t a long book, under 10K words but it is chock full of information and ideas about how you can create your own personal Staying Sane Plan.

What’s the catch? I’d appreciate your writing a review and even telling your friends about it but other than that, no catch.

Here’s the link again.

While you will be signing up twice, you will not get duplicate emails from me because I use ConvertKit. But be sure to use the same email address.

Learn more about Judith's The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB! 

© 2018 Judith Ashley

Who Comes First?

Judith is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual practices that nourish the soul and celebrates the journey from relationship to romance.

Who comes first?

If we don’t unconditionally accept, support and love ourselves, putting someone else’s needs ahead of our own is at best challenging and at worst impossible.

And, even when we do love ourselves, depending on what is asked of us? 

Well, that can bring a different challenge.

Friends grow and change, get married, move—each of those life events means changes on some level in our lives.

In my case I’ve two long-time friends who have dementia. As their memory diminishes and our shared adventures fade, it is even more important for me to stay in a neutral place, to ask myself what can I do to unconditionally support and love them through this phase of their lives.

My choices are made taking into consideration where they are in their life journey. I accept there isn’t anything I can do to change their situations. Their brains are damaged.

In all of my books, I show women who unconditionally accept each other –foibles and all.

At some point in their story, each woman faces a choice that will be life altering (and some face those decisions more than once).

What is important is they are not alone.

The Circle is there. The Circle offers them a haven and support. The Circle does not have an expectation for what their members Will Do or Must Do but, instead waits to support what each woman decides to do.

Do they wait in silence? Sometimes.

But they will also offer a perspective, usually in the form of a question.

A favorite question I use that I learned as a student of Dr. William Glasser’s Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Lead Management is “If there was a way to ???? and ???? would you be interested in  exploring that?”

Elizabeth is asked “If there was a way to marry Michael in Ireland and stay in The Circle in Fremont, OR would she be interested?”

When Logan does not want to see her mother, Hunter is asked what is more important, knowing her daughter is safe and protected or being there with her?

Sophia is a widow who falls in love with Cam Mitchell who works in law enforcement. Her question? Is it better to live with love in the Now than to live without love into the future?

It isn’t that when the question is asked each woman automatically is clear on the answer.

Doubts surface. Questions that start with words like “But— How” are asked. Because they have the support of their Circle Sisters, they find a way past the doubts and fears!

One of the things I’ve learned in my own life and in writing these stories is that there are times when we need to focus on the What and trust that the How will reveal itself.

Your free copy of Lily: The Dragon and The Great Horned Owl is waiting for you.

Go to JudithAshleyRomance.com and sign up for my occasional newsletter “Connections.” Follow the prompts to download your own digital copy of the first book in The Sacred Women’s Circle series.

Learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series at JudithAshleyRomance.com

Follow Judith on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

 You can also find Judith on FB!

Spring Is Just Around The Corner!

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women's Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul.

Spring is just around the corner. Ostara or Spring Equinox is set for Monday, March 20^th. However as I was reviewing some information about the Spring Equinox I learned that it can be as early as March 16^th and as late as March 22^nd.

Also, there is the Equinox and the Equilux. The Equinox means Equal Night and refers to that moment in time when day and night are equal. That moment when the sun hits the equator exactly.

Equilux is the 24 hour period of time during which the Equinox occurs. It also varies depending on where one is in the world. For example: Our Spring Equinox/Equilux is the Southern Hemisphere’s Fall Equinox/Equilux or Mabon.

Of course this makes sense when we stop and think about time zones, the tilt of the earth away from and toward the sun, etc.

Ostara comes from the Saxon Goddess, Eostre whose symbols are the hare and egg. This is the time of balance between dark (winter) and light (summer). In the days before central heat and air conditioning (and I do remember those days), the first days of warmer weather were cause for celebration. Doors and windows were opened wide to cleanse the house of the stale air and energy from being closed up all winter.

The other symbol of this season is ‘balance’. The energy of light and dark are in balance and it gives each of us an opportunity to stop and reflect on where we are in balance and where we are out of balance.

A point to make here is that we are seldom in perfect balance. Just like the Equinox is only a moment in time, we also are in constant flux in order to find that balance we seek. We adjust as the world around us shifts and changes. It reminds me of the analogy Dr. William Glasser uses of a thermostat. We set the temperature to 70 degrees and the system comes on until that temperature is reached. It then turns off and waits until the temperature drops or raises (depending on whether we are heating or cooling the area) before it comes back on.

We are like that thermostat. We constantly juggle our environment, our world a little bit one way or the other until we are satisfied. Then something happens – sometimes it is just a change in the time of day and we move to accommodate.

What I find is true in my own life is that that part of my life most in balance is often ignored until there is an imbalance and then I work to put things right.

What part of your life is most in balance? What part is most out-of-balance? 

For a Free digital copy of Lily sign up for Connections, my newsletter. You’ll be the first to know about upcoming releases and the first to know about specials, contests and appearances.

Learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series on her website.

Follow Judith on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s Windtree Press author page.

You can also find Judith on FB!

© 2017 Judith Ashley

Glasser Wisdom: External Control - Does It Ever Work? by Judith Ashley

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul. She is also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute.

Dr. William Glasser first came to notice in the 1960’s due to his work at the Ventura School for Girls and the backwards of the V.A. Hospital in Los Angeles. I heard of Dr. Glasser in the late 60’s but it was 1978 before I took my first Basic Intensive Training. To learn more about this remarkable man’s life, I encourage you to read “Champion of Choice” by Jim Roy.

I remember clearly when Dr. Glasser told a story about a friend of his who taught criminal justice classes at a university. His friend attended a conference and even though he’d been warned about the importance of being careful when going in or out of his room, the professor found himself face-to-face with a robber.

The robber had a gun and demanded the professor’s wallet.

The professor refused.

“I’ll give you my money,” he said pulling out cash and handing it over, "but not my wallet."

The robber grabbed the money and ran.

As the story goes, the professor didn’t even give him all of his money.

Faced with an armed robber, he did not do as he was told. Not only did he not give him all of his money, he didn’t hand over his wallet.

Why? Because of the hassle of getting a new driver’s license, credit cards, etc.

Each of us has at least one story to tell, perhaps not of facing an armed robber, but a time and place where we were asked/told to do something and we didn’t.

Each of us also has numerous stories to tell where we did something we weren’t thrilled to do. Often in those circumstances we say to ourselves and anyone else within ear shot that we ‘have to do this’ or ‘XXX made us do this’.

When we do this, we denied our choice in the matter.

How does denying we have choices help us?

I don’t think it does but I observe people every day use Dr. Glasser’s Seven Deadly Habits to try to control the world around them (and even themselves).

Criticizing
Blaming
Complaining
Nagging
Threatening
Punishing
Rewarding to control (bribes)

The challenge is that there are times it “appears as if” they work. The student sits back down. Your spouse takes care of the task. Your children go to bed with no complaining. Your mother-in-law agrees with you. We all can give examples where one of these deadly habits "works".

Are you someone who criticizes yourself for not doing, being, having, etc.?

Does it work?

Sometimes? Why only sometimes?

Even rewarding with a bribe which at least can have a positive element to it, doesn’t always work.

When you think about problems, whether in your own life or in the world, it generally boils down to negative relationship.

Glasser’s Seven Caring Habits: (I first talked about the Deadly and Caring habits in a 2015 post. For more examples and ideas you can read it here).

Supporting
Encouraging
Listening
Accepting
Trusting
Respecting
Negotiating differences

are ways to create and maintain positive healthy relationships.

Next week we’ll explore “Love Is More Than A Feeling” and what that really means.

You can learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series on my website.

Check out my Windtree Press author page.

Follow me on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

I’m also on Facebook

© 2016 Judith Ashley

Glasser Wisdom – All Behavior is Purposeful by Judith Ashley

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul. She is also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute.

Dr. William Glasser first came to notice in the 1960’s due to his work at the Ventura School for Girls and the back wards of the V.A. Hospital in Los Angeles. I heard of Dr. Glasser in the late 60’s but it was 1978 before I took my first Basic Intensive Training. To learn more about this remarkable man’s life, I encourage you to read “Champion of Choice” by Jim Roy.

What I’m going to talk about over the next month or so is the impact Dr. Glasser and his concepts have on my life. Yes, “have”.

My tag line for my Glasser work is “Your Choices Today Create Your Tomorrow.”

Break that down to the title of this post “All Behavior is Purposeful.”

That translates to everything you do is your effort to create something for yourself.

As you start to argue that isn’t true for you, I encourage you to stop a moment and take a look at what you are going to use as an argument against that concept.

Deep breath.

What exactly is it that you are putting forth? Describe it in what you were doing, what you were thinking at the time, how you physically felt in that moment and what was going on in your body? When you have that clear in your mind, what did you want to happen with that choice?

My guess is that you wanted someone or something else to be different. Perhaps you wanted your child to stop whining. Or maybe your dog to “come”? Your boss to say “thank you” after you worked extra hard to finish the project on time. It could be that other drivers were more polite or perhaps it’s just customers in general if you deal with them daily.

And, that someone could be you. What was it you wanted to do that you didn’t?

An example from my own recent life:

I’ve had on my list to make dental and dermatology appointments since the end of last year. It is now August. Most weeks I wrote on my weekly list “Make appointments”. I made other appointments in the meantime but not dermatology or dental. It may seem like a simple task. Pick up the phone and make the call—however, I didn’t have a dentist or a dermatologist to call. Before I could make the appointments I first had to find a provider that took my insurance.

Some of you are rolling your eyes at my procrastination or whatever you call it.

What’s important to note—All Behavior Is Purposeful. So what was I gaining (positive) by not moving forward?

I’m on the computer for hours a day but I’m writing. I’m not someone who clicks around on the computer searching for much of anything. Also, I really, really, really do not like to go through the telephone tree and listen to all the commercials for the company in order to talk to a customer service person. (The commercial of the guy saying “customer service” over and over? I’m laughing and crying at the same time-been there too many times).

What I gained from not moving forward was I didn’t have to deal with telephone trees, computer automated systems, waiting for minutes to talk to a real person, much less clicking around on the computer. So that was the “purpose” behind my procrastination.

The scales tipped when I calculated the amount of money I’d spent on dental insurance so far this year. And by the time you read this, I will have seen my new dentist!

We make choices to support ourselves and to support others. We also make choices in our efforts to control others. More about that next week.

Judith

You can learn more about The Sacred Women’s Circle series on my website.

Check out my Windtree Press author page.

Follow me on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

I’m also on Facebook 

© 2016 Judith Ashley

Today's Choice Creates Our Tomorrows

By Judith Ashley

There is a commercial that shows teenagers deciding where to hide. They choose the garage full of chain saws. We might see that commercial and laugh but there are people who go against their gut instinct and pay the ultimate price.

But I’m not writing about television commercials or those decisions that end so badly. I’m sharing a truth from my own life and observations.

Even simple choices like what to eat or whether to go for a walk have an effect on our tomorrows.

Whether we write today or procrastinate?

Whether we do due diligence with my research?

Whether we read the fine print in a contract?

Every decision we make creates what our tomorrow will be. In some cases, it may not literally be “tomorrow”. Unless we’ve a particular sensitivity or allergy to a particular food, let’s use dairy for an example, the ice cream or whipped cream, whole milk, cheese we eat today or even this week most likely will not show up as a problem.

But if we continue, it is possible that in the future we will have health problems such as 

heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure, diabetes and being overweight.

Short term gratification can create long term health, financial and other issues because we don’t see that there is an immediate price. Because there isn’t. If we are healthy, one piece of cheesecake is not going to kill us.

What is helping me make some lifestyle changes is reminding myself that the little decisions I make each day, over time, can create problems.

To me it is clear to me that My Choices Today Do Create My Tomorrow.

What current choice are you considering changing so your future is better?

Judith Ashley is the author of The Sacred Women’s Circle series, romantic fiction that honors spiritual traditions that nurture the soul. The first five books in the series are available through major e-vendors and Judith’s Windtree Press Author page and website.

Judith is also on the Senior Teaching Faculty of The William Glasser Institute - International.

Check out her GlasserConcepts website.

Follow Judith on Twitter: @JudithAshley19

Check out Judith’s FB page here.

The Ultimate Question

When engaging with others, asking ourselves “The Ultimate Question” often creates an environment

Judith Ashley

that supports positive interactions and relationships. What is that question?

“If I say or do (fill in the blank) will it bring us closer together or will it push us further apart?”

Connected with “The Ultimate Question” is the idea of “Caring” and “Destructive” Habits which I’ll share in more detail next Monday.

If your relationships are going well (and the other person/people think that also), then most likely you are already using the “caring habits”.

When relationships hit bumpy areas, most likely one or both of you are using the “deadly habits in an effort to “Make” the other person change or agree with you.

In Choice Theory and Reality Therapy terms we say that is “External Control Psychology.” Around the world the prevalent thought is that we can control others when in actuality that is a myth of gigantic proportions.

As I write this post, someone is dying for principles that are more important than living. And, as I write this post, someone is making the choice to change in order to remain alive.

We all make choices based on our internal sense of what is important to us, what we believe in, what someone we love or respects wants us to do. So, it may feel like we are doing something we don’t really want to do but the truth is, we’d rather do it than experience the result of not doing it.

I've certainly done my share of household chores, school assignments and even work-related tasks over the years. Have I wanted to do all of them? No.

But I did.

Why?

Household chores: grounding, deductions from my allowance, arguing with my parents and still being expected to do the chore were incentives for Me to decide to do them – not necessarily with a smile on my face and joy in my heart but my parents did not expect that. More than once I had part of my allowance deducted and I was grounded because I would rather have that consequence than do the chore.

School assignments: Many, many boring chapters read, endless papers written, inane or maybe insane projects completed over sixteen plus years because I wanted to graduate from high school, graduate from college, get a salary increase by completing additional educational coursework. And, being who I am, it wasn't acceptable to me to have poor grades. (My parents’ message was “as long as you do your best”).

Work-related tasks: paycheck! When things were truly not something I wanted to do, I reminded myself I had a job and most of the people I worked with did not and because I had the job, I was getting paid to write the report, to check on the person, to spend time in a filthy hoarder house, etc.

Between now and next week monitor your internal process when you do something you tell yourself you don’t want to do. 

Why are you doing it? 

What would the consequence be if you didn't?

Next week I’ll share Dr. Glasser’s  Seven Deadly and Seven Caring Habits.

Remember: Your Choices Today Determine Your Tomorrow 

Check out my writing life at http://judithashleyromance.com

Check out my Glasser Concepts trainings and workshops at http://GlasserConceptsTraining.com